NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH……..

The narrative that I am about to tell you is *nothing but the truth*!!!

Readers, especially the ones from Mumbai, may find this hard to believe…….but it is 100% true and there is no masala added to it to make it extra-spicy…….

And the story is not that sensational…..if that is what you’ve been thinking after reading the prologue…..it is just something that I saw this afternoon…..which was quite unexpected……and kind of shocking!!!

Ok……so here it goes…….

Time: 3.30 pm

Place: on the road that is right next to my building…….in a quiet,,,leafy,,,residential Mumbai suburb…….

And this is what happened…….

I made myself nice cup of tea and came with the cup to my bedroom……

Now my bedroom faces a very busy road…..in the afternoon the road is almost empty and there are not many vehicles running……but since I stay in a place where there are a lot of schools……at around 3.30 pm…..there are a lot of school children returning home and with some of them, their mothers ……..so kind of *picture-perfect* suburban locality…..

But…..when I saw out of the window…..I saw this cab….stationary next to the pavement (that happens to be elevated…..significance later….)……

In the cab, I could see someone (almost definitely the driver) sitting in the driver’s seat…..the rest of the cab was empty….and I could see only the portion of the driver, waist down……

And to my shock…..he was stroking something in between his legs……the thing was covered with a brown rag-cloth….(the one that you see typically with those Mumbai taxi-drivers…they use it to wipe the wind-screen)……

Initially I thought that he was just scratching his crotch…..some kind of jock-itch…..but then it was pretty clear that he was masturbating…….

Everytime a vehicle used to go close to his taxi he used to stop…..or if there was a pedestrian passing by……he used to stop……

Now since I was watching from the building window….he could not know that he was being watched….but it was amusing and made me horny as hell…..

The foot-path is elevated and most of the vehicles passing close to the taxi are a also at a higher level…..but then he just briefly stopped everytime anyone passed by…..he has to be uninhibited/ shameless/ brave to do something like this in public…..or maybe he was a pro……and it wasn’t his first time…….

While he was masturbating….I couldnot see his dick…….as the brown rag covered it……and this went on for a full half an hour……

And finally…..at 4.05 pm……he came!!!

He flung both his hands in air and stayed that way for some time…..quite a sight……..an orgasmic delight!!!

The brown rag had white stains…….. and he wiped his dick clean of the cum……and kept the rag away…….

His dick was small and cut……and then he bent a little to tie-up his shorts and his pajama……

I could not see his face……but he had a long flowing beard and it was WHITE!!!

So next time anyone sees an old-bearded-taxi-driver driving around in Mumbai…..or happens to sit in his cab......all you know he could be the same old-masturbating-geezer with the dirty-brown-rag-cum towel.....

.........................

you can have him first this time, hanuman, i will settle for sloppy seconds!!!

ASEXUAL…….

Have I become asexual???

1. my physical sex-life has ceased to exist…
2. masturbation does not satisfy me any longer….(for the last couple of days…) and has got a little boring…..
3. I no longer fantasize my fantasies……….

And today being the third day when I did not find any delight masturbating……or could not think of anyone to day-dream about…..or did not want to browse for any gay-porn over the net………I thought that I have become *Asexual*……

I am sure it is a phase…..and I know it because I know me……..

I cannot stay without any kind of sexual release for a long time……and will return to my old self shortly……..

But this kind of thing has not happened to me before……..is it because I have stayed a little busy lately……and am not doing anything but work….(though it is not entirely true…..and I know it…..just trying to justify myself)…….

So what do I do to get out of this phase……maybe masturbate more???.....or force-feed myself with some more gay-porn???.....or maybe shag someone???......

food for thought….(and more so since sex is no longer in my mind!!!)

PLAYING DOCTOR……

Was watching something on the television…….a western comedy……and there was this mention of *playing doctor*…..and all those childhood memories came back to me……

While I was a child…..the only television available in India was Indian……there were no western influences on the children….and apart from wearing clothes and playing with toys…..my father bought from his trips abroad…..there was nothing western we knew of…….

The media was largely Indian……but then I wonder how……things like *playing doctor* cut across all the boundaries……Is this *game* which explores nothing but your body…….universal???

I have distinct memories of *playing* it with at least three girls……two of whom were my neighbours and one senior guy-friend…….

No one taught us anything…..and as far as the girls were concerned…..I was the elder one and I know that no one taught me to do it………it was just instinctive…….and from what I remember……fun………

I will refrain from going into the details of the *play*……but exploring the little *bits* were more fun than anything else…..and frankly had better fun with girl than with the other guy (sorry….if I let you down guys)…….

But from what I remember…..it was also innocent and was fun……there were no sexual thoughts involved…..

It is amazing how nature has its own ways of introducing you to the sexual aspects of life in a very very subtle way…..it is like it is bracing you for the life that lies ahead of you and wants to ease you into the carnal processes……..

And of other things………met a really cute-looking subordinate yesterday…….at a place where I had gone to operate…….he was a doctor himself……and now……with him…..I really don’t mind *Playing Doctor*!!!

p.s. as I write this post I am staring at this cute cub who is standing at the bus-stop…it has been a few days that I have been seeing him at the same spot at the same time……I guess it is his regular time to go to work……….today he wearing an orange shirt and beige trousers…….he’s hot!!!

BLOGGING???

Right now there was this woman who had come to my place for an internet survey…..asked a lot of useless questions…..and conveniently skipped the one regarding blogging……

And when I pointed it out to her…..she said….."Oh!!! You know about blogs and blogging"…..

How dumb-looking am I that this behenji thinks that I am ignorant about even blogs!!!

PLAN

Do you have a *plan*????

A *plan*……a *plan* that will chart your life…….

For example…….I will be a doctor by the time I am 21…..finish education by the time I am 25……….settle with a partner by the time I am 30…..so on and so forth…….

And what happens if things do not go according to the way you have planned???…..

What if you have any unexpected boulders blocking your road???…..what if you are stuck mid-way???…..what if you tend to deviate from the path???…..

Is it possible to go back on the path you have been taking successfully for so many years???…..one thing I can certainly vouch for is that…..if you deviate it is very difficult to be back on track….(at least for me)……

Well….I had a *plan* and a pretty good one for that matter….and things were going well for me….but I dunno what happened……I slipped from the road that I was building for myself and now I find it very difficult to get back on it……

I am trying my best and I am not the kind who would quit…but believe me…..it is proving more difficult than I had expected……

At times I thinks….isn’t it better if I wouldn’t have had a *plan*……then I wouldn’t have thought that I am an under-achiever or a failure……but I guess I am not the kind who would take life the way it comes and not do anything about it…….

But anyway…..at present…..my *plan* still rocks……but I suck….in its execution!!!

As for my gym-search…..had gone to a local gym….but it proved to be more expensive than my previous one……smaller……not-so-good equipment……not-so-hot trainers……and the people working out there were quite bland…..the only advantage is that it literally takes a 2-minute walk to reach that place from where I stay……

if I see this in the locker-room.....I will join rightaway.......




p.s. the weather in Mumbai sucks....right now!!!

............................

I want him....NOW!!!

JAI GANESH.......

Have a Happy, Enjoyable and a Gay Ganapati Festival..........

*HIM*

Yesterday I could not sleep till around three in the morning…..I was thinking of someone…..longing for *him*…..and I don’t even know *him*….

But I do not know why I was thinking about *him*……

I just know *him* through something…..not seen *him* properly….haven’t spoken to *him* anytime…..and obviously not met *him*……but I still think of him…..

Can’t really figure out why it happens…..it is because the person you are thinking of thinks of you as well…..and by some freak *telepathy*…..you start thinking of *him* …..or is it the other way around…..or none of the above is true and you are just obsessed with some thought…..something akin to a crush….and that’s all……

I know it for a fact that I consciously try not to think of *him* and despite that I unconsciously do…..

So what is it……love……lust……crush…….or nothing…….just some freakiness……


Anyway…..a constant distraction while typing this post has been the *Men’s Synchronized Diving* finals……that I am watching right now on the television….they were held at Fort Lauderdale….and I am already having a mini boner….; )

I always prefer to watch diving anytime over swimming….both swimming and diving have hot guys…..but in swimming the guys are rather large than in diving where they are well-proportioned…….in swimming they are shaved while in diving they are naturally hairy……and in swimming thy have come-up with those stupid body-suits that give them a better speed (apparently)……but cover-up their bodies….sometimes totally…..SO ANTI-GAY!!!



In diving……the speedos are really tiny…..(I do have a speedo fetish)……butt cracks are seen…..the guys are hot…..and they have a great bod……

And in the competition…..the Germans are blonds…..the Americans are twinks……one of the Russians has an extra-large tool……the Chinese are cute………..and the Latinos are dark and hairy….(drools….)……

And the count for large bulges is a surprisingly large……and the guys are in couples…….(always wondered if these couples shag each other after the competition???)……

Ooh…..I love sports!!!

MaN AT WORK.....TIME FOR A CHANGE????

Looks like it is the time to discard my loyalty for my present gym and start being loyal to some other money-sucker…….

My current gym membership is close to expiry and I really do not want to renew it……there are a lot of pros and cons that I can list regarding my present gym and I am going to do just that…..


As for some history…..I’ve always had some kind of gym membership in the past (reading this most of you might think that I must be a buffed,,,,fit guy…..but I am not…..)….and each one has proved to be an effective money-sucker……And with no benefit as far as I am concerned……

However….I have to take the blame for it as I am the one who has hardly been regular…….(to a point….when one of the trainers asked me recently…if I come in the evenings as he has hardly seen me….)….and thus I remain thin and frail……

But for some reason…unknown….I will still either continue my present membership or go in for a new one at a new gym……

Anyway…going to the list of things…..

The pros……
1. the trainers know me well….(hot trainer count….a pathetic one….dunno if it’s a pro or a con….)
2. the receptionists know me…..(one hot male receptionist….not seen nowadays……probably sacked)…..
3. Hrithik…..the hot guy….may have a chance there….
4. hot model guy……no chance there.....
5. tall cute guy from the steam room….again some chance visible……
6. other assorted hot guys…..(only nos.3,4,5 are worth a special mention)……

hhhmmmmmmm…….anything else….lemme think……

7. a few hot girls eyeing me…..flattering……
8. and cheaper than other gyms around…..


The cons……
1. too much traffic…..if I happen to get late….and I cant take my bike for whatever reason…..too boring to drive……so land up not going……
2. hot trainer count….a pathetic one….
3. the treadmills are useless…..and they have no fewer than…..9….excluding the cycles and walkers and all that stuff…..but none of the treadmills are good……
4. the trainers eat in the locker-room (yucks……)….and it leaves a smell and you feel like puking at times.....
5. the locker-room is worst I have ever seen…..and there is no hot stuff going on……..

More pros than cons.....but the attraction of the unknown....in the other gyms drags me away from my old gym......what if I meet someone really really hot.....what if I can have / see more action in the locker-rooms.....what if there is always some sexy guy sharing the steam /sauna with me......


And this is precisely why……I don’t think I will be renewing the membership of my dear old gym……what say????

...........................

my way of saying sorry to the readers who were bored reading the last couple of posts......

THE GAYATRI MANTRA......

Hey guys….today’s post is neither pertaining to anything remotely gay or anything about my daily routine for the day…….for two reasons:
1. Nothing new happened today…..it was a boring day and work went on as usual……
2. Suddenly out of blue I thought of *the Gayatri Mantra*…….

Most of the reader who are bound to find this kind of thing boring…..please move on……’coz it will get more and more boring as you read on……

The Gayatri Mantra is considered one of the most powerful mantras in Sanskrit literature……and the people who chant this mantra everyday 108 times are known to enhance their intellect....improve their health.....look good.....so on and so forth……..

Now this post follows one on *Vedic Astrology*….and this is a coincidence…..but….as I am not a staunch believer in any of these things….it goes without saying that I was a little skeptical of believing in the *powers* of Gayatri Mantra as well…..

But it so happened once that I was under a lot of stress…..and someone…..again coincidentally…..gave me a cassette of the Gayatri Mantra (it was very much in vogue that time)…..and I decided to give it a try….(I do always try everything before rubbishing it….)……and I used to diligently chant it 108 times…(yes, I did it)….and it did take all the stress away…..now I do not know whether it was the mantra or the fact that I meditated for 5 minutes everyday….but it did a good job and I was happy and satisfied…..

Everything that has glamour and fame attached to it comes with a controversy……and the Gayatri Mantra is no exception…..some say that it is an invocation on *Goddess Gayatri*….who is depicted as having 5 heads and 10 arms…..but some experts say that it is a mantra to appease the sun……..

Also…the recent corruption of the mantra by all these fancy singers…..has been criticized by a lot of pundits….and then they say that some people add a lot of extra *Oms* as well…….

Scientific fanatics of religion say that it helps you clear your lungs and cure asthma, bronchitis and COPD…….

Anyway….anything that makes you happy needs to be practiced…..and the Gayatri Mantra is no exception……

(of course…meditation is no substitute for men….so….so long boys….)......

VEDIC ASTROLOGY……….

Vedic Astrology……..such a time-waster…….

I am going through a bad phase in life (and a lot of my posts do reflect that)…….and like most of the Hindu-folk would do……I decided to take a look at my star predictions with the hope of foreseeing my future……

Now I really do not believe in astrology an all that bullshit……and when I say “I don’t believe in it” ….I really don’t….

So why did I spend an entire free morning browsing through all the useless stuff available over the internet…..I do not have a straight,,,convincing answer for that……



It was probably because being raised as a Hindu…and having god-fearing people around me……and having my own vedic horoscope made from the time I can remember…..it was a kind of reassurance that there are good things yet in store for me…..and that this bad phase is temporary and will pass away……

I think it also excuses us……or gives us a certain concession……and helps us shy away from the responsibility of our actions…..and that’s what I was looking for…..maybe……

But the number of sites available for this vedic astrology thingy are amazing……and it did make me feel good….thinking that I will not have to go through this crap throughout my life…..(apparently……I will have a *golden phase* starting in my 32nd year of life…..I am 30 now….so 2 more years to be *Midas*….great)…..



There are so many different sites and there are so many things that they predict that at the end of it you have got all the possible gunas and all the possible doshas……and some planets will make you rich….some poor……some healthy….some sick….et al…..and if any damn thing happens to you…the astrologer can always say….didn’t I tell you…….

And for all you believers……with so much of population…..there are so many people born on the same date……at the same time…at the same place…..so are they going to have an exactly identical life???? ….and what about identical twins???......

What a load of crap….this stuff is….still it amazes the believers……and grapples the attention of non-believers……


Anyways…..of other things….why is it that every time I pick up the phone at home….the caller at the other end has to open the conversation with……..arre aaj tu atta ghari kasa???…….how come you are home today at this time???......as if I have to work 24/7 and can never be at home……..

HAVE YOU GOT THE *RIGHT* LOOK???

Today…somehow…..in the morning….I remembered my *Lost Opportunity No. 3*…..and kept thinking about him….through the entire morning…..

He is a dentist….living in London…..and an Indian by birth….education…..and since I know him well….by heart and soul as well…..

I remember him very fondly and with a lot of love for him…….

But then I am also reminded of some of his *qualities* that would really tick me off…..not that I would get angry….or blow a fuse….or have a lovers’ tiff…..’coz we were not lovers…….and he did not know (and still does not) that I was gay…..and I think he never acknowledged the fact that he preferred men to women….( he told me that the things he like women to for him were licking his ass and fingering it……how gay is that???)…..

So coming back to the *qualities* he possessed……he had this terrible longing to *fit* into the white community – the white doctors in the hospital……and then since he was obviously not one of them….he used to try convincing them about his distant European lineage…..which according to me and a few of my white friends was so distant that you can barely call it a valid one……

He also tried to act like a local British Asian boy and tried to pass off as one of them……it was like he constantly used to suck up to these local people and try to imitate them……

The local Londoners were nice and probably that’s the reason why they did not tell him that…..or they genuinely liked his facade ….I dunno…..but some of my friends who were originally from Britain really found him……obnoxious……

He always used to tell me how to dress the *right* way….talk the *right* way….and act the *right* way….with the local boys to be popular…….

But can’t you be popular dressing, walking and acting the way you are ???……you don’t come from a god-forsaken place to be crude and rude otherwise !!!

Then….slowly he started hanging out with a group of local boys…..more and more……going to pubs and parties with them……(and one of the boys told me that they don’t like him much)……but consequently…..we met less and less often……I guess I was not *foreign* enough for him (poor old desi boy)…..and drifted apart…..

I still do not understand what was the compulsive need to have the *right* look…..and fit yourself in a niche where you do not belong…….

Is it to impress someone or to impress yourself ???

And does it really work ???

Poor Indian-Londoner…..I’m sure he must still be looking for the *right* look for the *right* friends…….I pity him now……

BTW...had gone to the gym in the evening as against morning and the *hot-guy-count* for the day was a whopping 11 (seriously....that's a lot for my gym....and sadly I cannot go in the evenings regularly)....and 11 is excluding me !!! ; - )

GYM-HAPPENINGS FOR THE DAY..........

I have started to think that whatever interesting things I observe about men happens only in my gym……probably ‘coz it is the only place other than work I regularly go to……

Anyway…..today when I went to the gym in the morning…….the sexiest of all the trainers had suddenly gone blond!!! And he looked really funny……

This guy is fair and good-looking in his own way (atleast I like him….dunno about others)……he has a great body and an ass anybody would die for……

From the way he talks and his gestures indicate that he is not local (from Mumbai)….and seems to have come to Mumbai from some faraway place to make it big in the glamour market of Mumbai…..Bollywood or modeling…..(there are lots of these kind in Mumbai)……

And maybe he is struggling for his goal……so he works as a trainer in the mornings…..works out when his shift ends….which is at 10.00 am……and then heads off…..

Some time back….he suddenly changed his hairstyle and made his hair straight and in some way odd……it looks horrible……and today he turned them blond and looked like he had bleached his face as well……

He looked so unsavory…..eekkkkssss!!!

So I have seen him transform from a hot young man to a cheap-looking aspiring model…..(sorry…but he was really so much better-looking)…..

Why do these people think that something that looks good one someone may not look good on you and you should have the personality to carry that look??? Do they think that all the *in* things……will make you look sexier…or more desirable…or more attractive…or give you a job???

Anyway….just too strong a personal opinion…..

And of the other gym-happenings…..I saw *the cub* after a long time….(he is regular….it’s me who is very irregular)……..

Now…*the cub* is the name given by me to this hot guy….who is a short (not tall) bear…..nice and chubby…..and *the cub* has decided to grow he body hair again…..

So now he has a hairy chest and hairy pits…..and that makes him look more hot……however I’ve never had a chance to share the steam-room with him….and today since I had to leave early…..I missed today’s chance as well…..

The reason for mentioning *the cub* over here is that…..despite him being one of the most desirable guys at the gym….I have never been attracted to him…..he has never been my masturbatory fantasy….and never do I imagine what sex with him would be like…….I really do not know why???

Does it happen to you guys as well…..you think someone is attractive but they just don’t do it for you????

ARE WE LIVING IN A COUNTRY OF STUPID,,,SUPERSTITIOUS PEOPLE……

Are we???

First it was the water of the most polluted river (and probably the only one in Mumbai)…..that has been salty all the time….suddenly turning sweet!!! And all these people filling their plastic bottles with this water….which was looking cloudy…..and according to me has the highest disease potential….and is full of the city sewage….and drinking it……

And now it is the Gods (idols)……drinking milk……AGAIN!!!

So what next???

How stupid and superstitious can people be???

Can’t they think logically…..for a change???

THINGS CHANGE…….A LOST CRUSH CRUSHED!!!

While I was driving through the market-place…..I saw this guy whom I had a crush on several years back……..

Now I have essentially lived for a large part of my life in the same place where I am presently residing…..and while I was in my early teens…….one of the several guys from my locality on whom I had a crush on included this guy……..

I knew nothing about this guy……and still do not…….I don’t know his name….what he is doing……what language he speaks….and where he lives……

The only thing I know about him is that he stays somewhere close to where I stay…..

I used to like the way he looked…..

He had a rugger’s body…..chunky….chubby….rough….and a full ass…..

But it was a crush and that’s all….I never tried to find out anything about him…..and that was not important to me either……..he was amongst those several other guys around my place I really really liked to look at…..

Today….I saw him after many many years…..and he was buying some stuff for *puja* (Hindu religious ceremony)…..flower-garlands….banana-leaves…et al……and while buying this stuff….he was haggling with the vendor…….so unsexy…….

Years have gone by……he has changed the way he looks…..I have changed the way I look at things…..and since this crush was as superficial as it can get…….it was crushed!!!

He FYI…..has put on a lot of weight……was wearing a loose t-shirt and some ugly jeans….and was carrying an bag full of vegetables…..and of all the things haggling with the vendor……so unattractive……

But he…anyway…..presuming that he has taken the oft trodden path chosen by any *good* Indian boy……must be happily married….probably had kids….and as a dutiful husband…..shopping for the forthcoming *Ganpati* festival……

(little does he know that there is a gay man who had a crush on him as a teen is observing him….and that he should have dressed well for him!!!!)

LONELY ON A SATURDAY NIGHT........

.......am I the only gay in the village???

A TEMPLE’S PREROGATIVE……

There was this article in *The Times of India*….about one of the richest temples in India….located in my state of Maharashra….the Sai Baba temple……and the trustees of the temple have decided to get a new throne for the deity worth a whopping 22 crore (2.2 billion) rupees….. and why…..they think that the present silver throne does not look very good and a gold one would suit the deity better…….

I do have a lot of respect for Sai Baba…and I also do believe that the temple trust that runs the place does some really good charity work….and they should keep it up……even a part of my earning go to one of the temple trusts and I am sure that it will be used for good…..

But spending such an absurd amount of money for some vanity seems really odd to me….

I am not the one to preach about how they should be spending their money….it is their money and they can spend it as and how it pleases them…..but are they done with all the good work…..and do they have nothing philanthropic left to do…….

Sai Baba was the epitome of simplicity and he throughout his life he did survive on bare essentials….and I am sure had he been there physically….he would have put the money to a better use than what the trustees are planning……

The villages that are around the temple-town of *Shirdi* remain to be poor and so also the villagers……there are good number of cases of farmers committing suicides due to frustration……

The children and women remain uneducated…..the disease rate remains high….the mortality is high amongst infants…..and the entire population has a sub-optimal nutrition……

Now…..it is not their responsibility to take care of all these things….but they can certainly take some long-term measures to improve the situation….if not for the entire state….at least for a fixed area around them……

But they think nothing can match the good looks the idol will get after installing the golden throne…….

So much for people’s charity and the trustees’ vanity….a temple’s prerogative……

MUSIC…….

While driving back from work……already in a crabby mood….was listening to some music……and amazing how it lifts you up…..

Now I am not a particular fan of listening to music and I don’t even know most of the songs….and though I have heard them before.... I really cannot name them and absolutely cannot sing…..

(I sing only if I am alone in the car…..and if I am absolutely sure that no one can listen to me….and I seriously think that have already improved my singing skills)…..

And nowadays I find myself listening to music more and more often……and life feels good again.....

(listening to *Beedi* from *Omkara* as I write)……

MY LIFE IN PURDAH……..

My entire gay-world that exists within the minuscule scopes of gay chat rooms,,,gay porn,,,,,mails,,,,blogging and admiring men on the streets/ gyms/ media is from a purdah……a purdah that I have chosen to wear by choice……

It’s like wearing a mask all the time….and not wanting the other person to see who you are…….

I am beautiful under my purdah as well……not only to look at but also in my senses…..but unfortunately cannot reveal it…….

It is like you want to come out of it and have the sweet taste of freedom……but you can not!!!

I realized this when I was online on gay.com…….I am online on the India countrywide chat-room only….usually as I think there are many foreign people who do not understand this concept of being in the closet very well and sneer at you (my apologies to all the foreign readers for the generalization)…..but even the gay Indian population is not an exception……

I do refrain to chat with many people as they do expect only a meet-up for sex and a pic prior to that…..which I am unable to provide…….so there was a chap whose profile said that he is interested only in friendship…..and all I wanted was that as well…..so I buzzed him……and he was not ready to chat without a pic…….so do you want a mug shot of a guy to decide whether you want to be friends with him??? I can still understand if it is for sex and you have your preferences….but for friendship…. so if he is good-looking you would want to be friends with him and not otherwise??? (if he actually meant friendship)……

So that is what you get when you are in purdah....no friends as well!!!

And methinks….in the gay world there is a strong concept of *superficiality* amongst quite a few fellowmen…..probably a lot of things start with sex and quite a few end with sex as well……this purdah really really limits the field of your already limited vision……

There are numerous occasions when you think that had you not had the thick veil….you would have got a lot more in life and had a lot more fun as well….like the other day’s gym locker-room incident……but unfortunately……you cannot help it…….

I really hope to come out of it soon but don’t know when…..but what I really hope now is to lift it once in a while for some people to see once in a while…..let’s see how I progress on that one!!!
But…..Thank God….for the rest of my life is out of the purdah…..I cannot imagine the plight of those numerous poor women who live in purdah throughout their life….gay or straight!!!

Anyway….one of the few privileges I can enjoy…….gay porn……

JAI HIND........HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY...............

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

MY INDIA......DARE ANYONE TOUCH HER.......

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

MY INDIA......DARE ANYONE TOUCH HER.......

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

DO OR DIE.........

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

GAY MAN OUT.......

My schedule for Sunday was a visit to the gym in the morning (after almost one week) and later in the evening to the beach……..and loads of guys…..at both the places…..

I dunno why…..but I was kinda playing…….spot the gay guy with my own self…..though there was no chance to ratify my claims….it was fun……

In a western city where there are gay men who keep flaunting their identity….it is different…but in India it is sometimes hilarious to see a straight couple where the male partner turns all the way around to check you out…..

Starting with the gym……there were more guys than usual….(I am counting only the *lickable* ones)……and overall I had a good time working-out after a long time……

There was this one guy who was looking at me and does so every-time he works-out….and I am almost sure that he prefers dick…..

And there is this other guy with a great smile……I love to watch him while he works out especially when he is doing leg-curls…….now I had a chance to chat with this guy……for a long time…...and previously I had thought that this guy is gay as well and supposedly-bengali…..now both the things have been proved wrong……..he is a gujju and married (that does not mean he is str8….but he kept talking about hot girls as well)…..

And then there was this tall cute guy who….I am sure…..checked out my butt in the locker-room……when I came out of the shower….now there I see hope…..this was the first time I saw him in the gym……and I hope he is a regular member…….and I see him often…..

Proceeding to the beach……I dunno whether the Juhu beach has lately become a gay cruising area…..I have been going there for ages and have never thought about it as a cruising place for gays….but there are so many desperate-looking men and couples (male)….who will look at you or one partner will point you to the other partner not so subtly…..that it sometimes makes you wonder if you are looking funny / weird / camp / too desperate yourself…….

But looking at the way some guys were looking / staring …….it was probably easy to point a fag amongst the crowd and the chances of you going wrong were slim…..

Also spotted was a group of hunky….buffed-up….guys in a group sitting on the ramp leading to the beach in the *Razz Rhino* lane….they were definitely gay……

So I did spot quite a few *Gay* candidates……but did anyone spot me out….don’t really know…....

KANK…….

Is all the hype surrounding the latest Karan Johar flick…Kabhi Alvida Na Kehena…..uncalled for??? Or is it justified???


As a person with extremely poor knowledge in movies……it is very wrong of me to give a review of the movie and I am not going to do so…..especially since I have not watched the movie as well……and till now had no intention of watching it…..

But....quite a few newspapers have given rave reviews and that tempts me to watch the movie……

And though I do not like the kind of movies KJ makes….and I have not watched his last two movies….(Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)…..I will refrain from criticizing for the sole reason that he is one of us and hence I have a soft corner for him…..(and that hold true for Abhishek as well…who I think is still in the closet….as he gets my gaydar ticking…..)….


I do want to watch the movie ‘coz of its storyline…..a couple of extra-marital affairs…… It is about two mismatched couples (Shahrukh and Preity…..Abhishek and Rani) living in New-York….and they like each other’s spouses…….

We have had movies with extra-marital affairs being depicted before…..but somehow there hasn’t been a commercial movie for a long time….and it is time to remind the Indian audience that these things do happen….and have become common-place……

I certainly do not approve of extra-marital affairs and think that they should be considered a taboo…..but there are times when two married people do not get along and they seek for solace in the company of other people and eventually fall in love with them……

Just because they are married and Indians does not mean that they should continue their unhappy life…..and it is high time people realize that marriage is *fluid* as well and cannot be sustained at any cost………

Anyway…..I don’t know as yet whether….the couples in the movie separate or still live together and I will have to watch the movie to find out…..and once I do that I will tell you whether it was worth the Rs. 150 that I spent for it… (if that is still the ticket rate…..I haven’t seen any movie for a long time…)……

...........................................

...............cute !!!

MY HAPPY PLACE.....

The topic for the day will make you guys think that I have gone nuts……but I too have a *HAPPY PLACE*.......

Some guys think that this concept of *HAPPY PLACE*.....is for nutters.....but what the heck…..this is my blog……and no one has actually seen me to point a finger at me and say that I am the nutty/ loony guy…..

I think about my *HAPPY PLACE* when I am in a sad mood and get pepped up…….I get myself transported to this *Happy Place*……and imagine that I am there….it does improve my mood immediately……

Now at present…..my mood is great and so is the weather (right now in Mumbai)…..and I do not know why I thought of the *Happy Place* but I did……

What is my *Happy Place* like???.....it is a tropical paradise……and I am the only person in it…….no one else is there…..( I would love to have my parents and my brother in it….but they are safe in their own *Happy Places*)……I have absolutely no worries….no tensions……no deadlines to meet……no one to think about……

The air is fresh and there is always a gentle breeze……there are flowers everywhere……of many different colors and various shapes….with a sweet fragrance…..

There are many many butterflies…..and humming bees….and blue moths……and small birds are chirping on small trees…….

There is a babbling brook going into a small lake of clear, sweet, warm water…..where you can swim…..and next to it is a small patch of soft green grass where you can lie down after a swim……

The sky is blue….of course….with a Rainbow!!!

So do you have a *Happy Place* as well…..or am I the only delusional one???

A RARE COMMODITY…..

Today, I was pissed off on one of my so-called *colleagues*…..and explicitly expressed my differences…….

It is just that I do not trust him whatsoever……and think that he is really sly and will stab you in the back……

He actually has just started working and has joined something like our practice group …..but already he has started to annoy people…..

But what got me thinking was……am I misjudging and consequently mis-trusting him without even giving him a fair chance???

Why has *TRUST* become such a rare commodity???

Is it just with me or the rest of the people are non-trusting as well??? And have other people really become non-trustworthy???

Once bitten twice shy……and that principle applies here…..

I think personally….I used to be one of those guys who used to believe in goodness of people and always think that they should be given more than a fair chance and would try to think from their point of view…..

But now I have realized through my previous experiences that people do not waste time in taking advantage of you and all that you get in return is a big disappointment…..and I trust people a lot less now……

I still do believe in the goodness of people in general and still want to think that they are nice and they will never cheat or swindle you….or hurt you….though these people are much lesser in number…..

So how do you filter out these people and trust only them and no one else……difficult…..no...impossible!!!

I think the best way is not to trust anyone till they prove themselves to be worthy of it……

Anyway…….about my gay self…..there is absolutely nothing happening right now…..neither have I gone to the gym nor anywhere else……so the only satisfaction I get is through my fantasies…..(current masturbatory fantasy……dark hairy men with great butts)…….

BUDDY SEARCH…..

I always complain that I am lonely and keep feeling miserable about it……but now I think that I am entirely to be blamed for this…..

I do have a lot of friends….but they tend to be busy at times and if I am incidentally free when they are busy……I have nothing to do and no one to go out with…..

Being in the closet adds up to the disadvantage as well….as I cannot accept any kind of proposition either over gay.com or otherwise in the fear of outing myself…..I guess this is a phase and will pass off soon…..but till then….this is not the way to meet people…..

Now my regular schedule consists of going to my clinics and performing surgeries……so the only people I meet at work are other doctors……and either they are old…..or the ones I know…..are not interesting or good-looking enough…….

And of course….you cannot hit on your patients…….however hot they are…..too un-professional…….

The only other place I go to other than my work-place is my gym…..and that too irregularly…..but still I have some hope there ……

And I am working on it too…..it’s just that the progress is so slow that the wait seems to be painful……and I continue to be buddy-less!!!

So what do I do????

I know for a fact that I am not the kind to just sit back and relax……and now I am thinking of ways and means to increase my friend circle…..

Maybe I will join some leisure activity group…..but taking time out for such a thing will be difficult in my daily routine……..

I also think a good way to go is to look for friends is……over the net……probably by being a part of local net groups with common interest….of course…..sans my *jerry* identity….(if at all anyone local reads my blog….)…..

Gosh….I wish there were pubs here…..where I could just drop in single…..sit on a bar-stool….order a drink….and chat with guys around me……



P.S. Watching some song with Rahul Bose in it….and methinks he is gay….

AHHHHHHHHHH..............BEN...