jerrymumbai

HAPPY DIWALI......

2007-11-07T20:31:00.000+05:30

HAPPY HALLOWEEN......

2007-11-01T04:15:00.001+05:30

MOJO.........

2007-10-31T23:58:00.000+05:30

Have I lost my Mojo…..

So many things to write…but do not feel motivated enough to type and publish…..

I wish I could meet someone…..and I can absolutely have a verbal diarrhea….instead of being constipated…………

........

2007-10-27T22:06:00.001+05:30

JEALOUS.....

2007-10-26T07:27:00.000+05:30

Jealous……Yeah, the hell I am…..

And why wouldn’t I be ???….There is this guy who lives a superb life….right under my nose…..something like Homer Simpson...a good-for-nothin'-fella with everything you would wish for...

He is really, really stupid…..very, very selfish….has so-so credentials…does an extremely ordinary job…..yet, seems to have everything that I do not…..a partner (girlfriend…yeah, he’s straight)..a girlfriend who looks good, is sweet and someone with whom he can have sex with every single f**k**g day...has a decent life-style...has a stable job...goes to parties and vacations on a regular basis….and as a whole a good,,,well-set,,,settled life-style that I can only dream of at this stage…..and he is younger than me....

So what is it that he has and I do not ???….That is the question that always comes in my mind everytime I see him…..

I am better person than he is….more kind…more understanding…more altruistic…..more empathetic….and I do think more of other people…..

I am more intelligent than he is….much,,much more educated…and most importantly, much more hard-working and sincere…..

So what is it that makes him have a way better life than I do ???…..

I really don’t know…..everytime I try to rationalize it or try to find an answer, I find none…..

p.s. and while I am publishing this post.....Mr Homer is off partying at some nice trendy nightclub downtown !!!

..........

2007-10-26T06:18:00.000+05:30

I'M BACK......

2007-10-24T06:59:00.000+05:30

Hey guys….I’m back…..bigger (or atleast older)….better (more mores than less…)…and as far as the blog goes….more raunchier…..

So why did I suddenly go ???...and where the hell did I go ???…..

These may not interest you much….but for those of you who have slightest of curiosity…..do go on reading….and as for the rest my next post will have some hot butt pics to drool on and you can skip this one…..

Well…I am not going to tell you everything....but this is what happened…..I was doing something good…earning good money and was overall alright with the way things had been…..but there was something eating me up all the time…..there was something I really, really wanted to do for a really, really long time for myself and one fine day I decided to do it…..

It was going to be a long, arduous journey……something which will require my full attention…..and something for which I have to be totally focused…….it also meant leaving my profession….and bringing my earnings to an absolute zero…..but I wanted to do it and that was more important than anything else....SO I DECIDED TO DO IT !

And till the time I walk substantial distance, it was going to be…..no blog….no dates….no gym….no movies…no TV…no parties…..and the list goes on and on and on…..and on !!! and even though I am not totally there,,,, I am almost there and now I think the I can give some of my time to blogging and internet and internet porn (not that I was away from porn any time….that would’ve made my life unsustainable, wouldn’t it???)…..

There were so many things that happened in this period that I wanted to share…..but did not…..like the time that I was watching this movie, *RGV ki Aag* when one of the thugs says *top ya bottom kya farak padta hai*……how more gay can RGV be ??? or the time when this cute,,,hot barber asked me if I want *a facial*…..with a bulge in his pants….and a twinkle in his eye ???…..

I would be lying if I say that I did not have a tough time…..there were times when I felt absolutely miserable….with no one to talk to - blog-mates or otherwise….or there were times…..when I wanted to buy something……but did not...there were times when I wanted to go out for a party…..but did not….there were times when I wanted to watch a new good movie…but did not….there were times when I wanted to dine out at a nice restautant…..but did not…….

Not that they have been completely reversed…..but still partially so…..and it is just a matter of time when they will be long gone…..restarting to blog is one of the first things of the long list that I had stopped doing….and I am sure the rest will follow soon…..wish me luck

AND MORE CELEBRATIONS........ENJOY !!!

2007-09-08T04:23:00.001+05:30

ANHEDONIA......

2007-08-04T18:20:00.000+05:30

MY CURRENT CRUSH.....

2007-08-03T22:24:00.000+05:30

NADAL...AS REQUESTED.....

2007-06-28T19:38:00.000+05:30

very few of Nadal....but will post more once I start blogging regularly......most of them feature his A** - one of the best in business

A FEW MORE...

2007-06-28T19:36:00.000+05:30

DON'T WE ALL LOVE TENNIS ???

2007-06-27T12:04:00.000+05:30

A GOAL....A CUP......AND LOTS OF KISSES......CELEBRATE !!!

2007-05-23T20:43:00.000+05:30

....LESS

2007-05-13T19:19:00.000+05:30

....thin-less

....hair-less

....shape-less

....boyfriend-less

....sex-less

....career-less

....happiness-less

....rich-less

....fun-less

....and the list goes on....and on.....and on......on.......

(trying to reduce them significantly before I resume blogging regularly....I really hope I do)

.....happy birthday to YOU.....

2007-05-13T19:05:00.000+05:30

A LONG HIATUS......

2007-03-24T20:39:00.000+05:30

I have decided to take a very.....very....very long break from blogging......and other stuff.......

The other stuff essentially includes all *other* activities like gymming....sitting on the net for hours looking at porn......and chat-rooms.......

All this is to achieve something that I desperately want....it requires a lot of focus....I do find it very difficult....but I am gonna do it !!!

I have realised that dreams are very important and you have to slog your ass off to achieve some of them......whether the effort is worth it or it isn't, is not important......the fact that you have tried is.......and that's what I am trying to do.....

So....till the time I get what I want.....I'm off air.......

Till then.....take care..... x x x ......

Meanwhile......leaving you with one of my favorite videos.......ENJOY !!!

ROAD TRIPS......

2006-10-30T03:32:00.000+05:30

Just back from a *minor* road trip.....so very tired.....and will be on a couple more tomorrow......

So....till the time I am back and can publish some proper writing stuff....these are some pics for you guys to enjoy.....

.................

2006-10-26T18:38:00.000+05:30

So what's for dinner ???

SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT.....

2006-10-24T02:27:00.000+05:30

The other day I had gone to this nearby store and saw this old woman sitting......She probably looked older than she would've been...And probably was not very well off, looking at the way she was dressed.....But anyway....It's not about that....

The woman smirked looking at us......dunno why.....And then she again made a face looking at someone else......She was constantly making a disdainful face....And that got me to think....Is she unhappy ???

And if she is unhappy......With whom is she unhappy ???

With us...People around her ???.....Or actually with her own self ???

She may be unhappy with us...Each one of us....For a different reason......But even if that is true....To be unhappy with almost everyone....You have to be unhappy with your own self.....

So when we say we are unhappy......Are we actually unhappy with our own self.....And are we responsible for our own unhappiness.....

If so.....Then why blame others for it ???

And if we ourselves are to be blamed....Then why be unhappy to start with....

It is a state of mind that we create for our own selves and then drown our own selves into it.....

Does it really matter to other people that we are unhappy.....They do their jobs anyway.....And most or rather all of them will not bother beyond a certain extent....

So why create a devil that eventually tortures no one but us....

Some food for thought....Eh....What say ???

TRUE LOVE

2006-10-23T18:35:00.000+05:30

Was just watching an occult science-cum-mystery drama on television....and the central theme was LOVE....

True Love.....such a beautiful and a rare thing......

Will I *EVER* find true love ??? ....Will I ???

............

2006-10-22T09:44:00.000+05:30

Diwali Dhamaka.....Enjoy !!!

DEEPAVALI GREETINGS.....

2006-10-21T17:46:00.000+05:30

Wish you a very happy Diwali and a prosperous new year.....

BROWN BOY IN THE RING....TRA LA LA LA LA....

2006-10-21T02:25:00.000+05:30

DISCLAIMER : The views expressed in this post are solely my own and are not intended to be racist in any matter or hurt anyone's sentiments (LOL !!!)

Brown boy in the ring....tra la la la la...I'm a brown boy in the ring tra la la la...la...

That is what I feel like when I visit the fashionable parts of a large western city.....and yesterday was no different.......

Yesterday....I went for a shopping trip to the downtown....and God....these westerners sure know how to look their best.....clothes....jackets....scarves....overcoats....glares.....accessories....et al.....and they look good.....both men and women....and I was looking like a total minger......no wonder most of the gay men looked right through me....as if I never existed.....and on top of that for some reason I have become comparatively skinny and that does not help either......

That has made me realize that I do need to style my hair and wear better clothes....

Hair-styling was not really practical at this point of time....considering the fact that at present my hair are not kinda style-worthy......but today....from the lesson learnt yesterday.....I went out wearing better clothes and a better jacket and even a nice woolen scarf.....responses were comparatively heartening....

So hope to improve a bit on my fashion sense....if the brown boy is in the ring....he needs to be looked at !!!

p.s. My sincere apologies for Posh's presence in the above pic....David really needs to lose her !!!

..........

2006-10-19T18:31:00.000+05:30

....hey Cristiano....need any warmth....it's getting cold !!!

AIR-BORNE.....OF CABIN CREW (drools), ET AL.....

2006-10-18T02:30:00.000+05:30

Hey guys....I'm back.....

After a long and a very very tiring flight....I'm here!!!

After 9/11...and the London bombings....and then later the foiled terror attack at Heathrow.....I think any Muslim-looking traveler (like me).....has to be lucky to go to certain countries without being questioned....and without having his bags rummaged through.....and I think I was purely lucky.....(did the immigration guy think I was pretty to let me go off with just a smile......; )....)

Anyway.....I'm here now and it's cold and raining........and so at home.....doing nothing.....

My flight was good.....and I spent those boring hours......eating......drinking........and letching at those flight attendants.......GOD they look good !!!......but then......they are not THAT good-looking.....but there is something about them that makes you wanna look at them.....is it 'coz they have that *gay* tag on them.......that makes them extra attractive......I dunno.....but they look dishy !!!

My first leg had only stewardesses (sigh).......but the next leg had an all male crew (WOW).....all hunky European men in uniforms!!!! .....kind of also makes you wonder what fun will they be having after the flight......do they have wild orgies to relieve themselves of their flight stress ???.....have to be one of them to know.......

Also......had a great time looking at those hot Arab men at one of the stop-overs......I have this thing for Arabs......and I think they are the hottest men in the world.....but sadly......the fact that you have to be careful with them lest you break the stringent laws (actually I don't really know what laws they have......but I guess these countries have laws where gay men are prosecuted or rather killed....remember Iran).....refrains me from even making them my masturbatory fantasies.....sad but true.......

Was really hoping to meet some one on the way with whom I can be friends with.....preferably some hot guy......but with my kind of luck.......I shouldn't have hoped for something like this....but always optimistic.......maybe while going back I will.....who knows !!!

And anyway....of other things.....watched....*Devil wears Prada*.......and that reminded me of two things.....

1. Mine and `not-mine Emily.....(relevant people will get this one).....big HI to both of you.....

2. And the fact that I was once some Miranda's Emily.....and before I knew......I was someone else's Miranda....but glad to have come out of that circle.....now.....

....and as a critic did not like the movie one bit......sorry guys.....just not my type of movie......

SAAT SAMUNDAR PAAR……

2006-10-13T23:46:00.000+05:30

Hey guys…..I will be flying to the lands far beyond…….and for a long, long time…….will try to blog whenever I can…….

Was planning on this trip for quite a while and was really looking forward for it…..

The last few days have been hectic…..juggling with a lot of things….and of all the things….shopping !!!

But as far as I can see…..I cannot be more ready to leave back my dull, mundane life for a fresh breather….

Things have not been going so well for me lately…..but I have a felling that this trip will go great……personally and professionally……inshallah

MEDICAL BULLSHIT……

2006-10-12T00:24:00.000+05:30

Wanted to blog about this for a long time but somehow…….there were other distracting things (‘bout men) to post rather than this crap !!!!

Everyday when I sip my morning tea……I read the *Times of India*….and it carries another paper called *Mumbai Mirror*……

Now this *Mumbai Mirror*….has a column by a so-called *sexologist*…..whose name I will refrain from using……….not that I am afraid of any litigation…..but I think as a fellow doctor……it is against medical ethics to criticize someone (ahem, ahem) openly……

Now this so-called *sexologist*…..gives advice to a lot of different kind of queries and most of it is crap……..it is very opinionated……and often not even medically correct……just pure 100 % CRAP…….

I do agree that some of the bits and pieces that he says are alright…….but the way he put them forth are rubbish……he advices people from some oh-so-holy crap to doing-it-this-way-only……it looks like he does not have any proper medical knowledge of a specialist in that field……..is a general doctor…….with some old, parochial views…….that he is putting forth in one of the largest read English dailies in India…….

India is such a conservative country that people are really afraid to ask queries related to sex……and also are quite ignorant about it……….sex is a taboo to talk about…..and most of the knowledge may be from grapevine……and for some of them this is the only way to clear their doubts…….

And this so-called *sexologist* seems to be like a glorified grapevine……….

I do not specialize in the same subject…..but my general doctor-knowledge is way better than this so-called *sexologist*……….

The same newspaper (TOI)……has one more supplement….called *Bombay Times*…..that carries a column by one more psychiatrist………who has until now…..according to me…….has given the best and very sound advice on sex to the readers………

Don’t these editors see the difference between these two professionals…….why do you let someone with half-baked knowledge of sex allowed to give advice to people confused about sex …….andhon mein kana raja (in blind people……someone with squint is the king) !!!

Jaago TOI-walle…..jaago…….you guys have a larger responsibility…….and hopefully…….any journalist from you, reading this post, please take note……(someone has read to considering that a couple of posts from this blog have been published in newspapers)……..

................

2006-10-10T00:31:00.000+05:30

hungry ?

RETAIL THERAPY……

2006-10-09T23:44:00.000+05:30

What do gay men do when they get bored…..I know……almost all of them will shag someone if that is an option……if not shag themselves…….but then if option no. 1 is not available……and option no. 2 has been attempted…….then what do you do ???……go for some retail therapy……..

My Sunday morning was pretty boring…..with gymming in an empty gym……and the afternoon equally boring…….a family lunch party…….and come evening , I was so bored that I decided to go for some shopping……….

So there I was at Linking road Shopper’s Stop……and even though I was all by myself….it was fun……hot guys…..singly or in couples…good eye-candy while you shop….(I am not that fussy…..and even a decent-looking guy….makes my neck turn)……

But…..being old-fashioned (and growing old)…..I kinda think that I am really being left behind fashion-wise…..and so much so that I never knew that Levis Cargos come with a *Tool-Kit*……

It so happened that I spotted the tool-kit first…..really liked it and then the chappie told me that you have to buy the cargos to get the tool-kit…..I even decided to buy the ridiculous-looking pants for the tool-kit……but they looked like a colossal waste….with their colossal size….and their colossal number of pockets and chains to be bought….so I left sans new pants…..(still had the ones I was wearing though….not so lucky despite the hot crowd)…..I satisfied myself with a couple of shirts……

And with this some other stuff from Nike…ensured that my wallet was lighter than ever……

But my little shopping trip left me all peppy again…….how come shopping always helps you overcome all the boredom….all the depression…really dunno….

One of the amusing things to see…..was this couple…..both men…….seemed gay…..one buffed-up and short……and the other one tall……trying on new stuff and looking in mirror while the other guy was appreciating his partner….looked really sweet……nice to see someone in love !!! …but makes you realize how lonely you are…..

WASTE OF GOOD TALENT…..

2006-10-07T12:14:00.000+05:30

When I drive or walk…..and I see around……I see so many sexy men….hot men whom I would like to f***…….cute faces I would like to snog…….tight b***s I would like to ram…….a**h***s I would like to rim……and d***s I would like to blow……..

But here I sit idle and lonely……

Such a waste of good talent……mine and theirs!!!

THE MINOR BATHROOM DISASTER…

2006-10-05T11:16:00.000+05:30

I am a high myopic….

I have been a myopic for the last 17 years……I first got my glasses when I was in my seventh grade…..and the number has been increasing ever since…….

I got glasses due to my combined habit of being studious…(yes, I was very very studious…..one of those geeky types)….and watching movies on the then-recently-bought video player……

And the number went on increasing due to more studies,,,,more TV and later more & more gay porn on the computer at nights……

So……I am a high myopic….

I do not wear glasses all the time……most of the time I wear Bausch and Lombs…….so as not to be seen as overtly ugly……(I dunno whether the contact lenses do the job or I still look ugly as ever……)…..

But anyway…..recently, I have developed this habit of wearing lenses while I shower……again…..I dunno why…..probably ‘coz I like to see the way I look….hairy, et al. with clarity…….rather than the fuzzy look I get without any vision correction…….

And today’s shower was no exception…….and after I showered…..while drying myself….everything appeared blurry…..both the eyes……so only thing that came to my mind was “Oh God ! The lenses have been washed off !”

Got a little panicky…….thinking that both the lenses have gone down the drain…..and that too before a major vacation that I will be embarking on !!!

I checked my balls (eye….)…..and they were not seen…….then started to look for them on the floor……if they are stuck on my body…..if they are anywhere else in the bathroom……and they were nowhere…….

Could not call anyone for help…..myself ,,, naked in the bathroom and a maid in the kitchen cooking meals……so just kept on searching for them…..slowly and very patiently……all by myself…….

One of the remote possibilities was that they are at either ends of the globe (the eyeball)….superior or inferior…….usual place being superior……(have seen these kind of cases in the ER…but never had the experience)…so then looked in front of the mirror….and looking down……..gently started massaging my eye-ball……from top to bottom…..and down they slid……back into their propa’h position……….and I could see clearly……thank god……

Wish I could spank them for being so naughty……(or should someone spank me for wearing lenses while showering???)…….

SEMI-CRUSH......

2006-10-05T00:04:00.000+05:30

Today…..after a long time I was lucky enough to see this guy (just a glimpse while I was driving…)…..

Now ….this guy……let’s call him V….is a good friend of my brother……and used to come to my place very often……and this was years ago……till he became very busy as a tax-consultant……

All these years…he has seen me in almost nothing on…..and never did I mind it…….he was after all, my brother’s friend….so no sex-thing there……or atleast I never thought about him……*that way*……….

But lately…..I dunno…..what has happened…..I kind of seem to have a semi-crush on him……

Yeah……a semi-crush……not a full crush…….but a half one (if at all it does exist)…….

I do not think ‘bout him all the time…..but while driving back home…….I make it a point to pass by his place…….hoping that I catch a glimpse of him………and today for the first time I was lucky…….. I thought he looked great…..in a simple figure-hugging T-shirt…..and jeans……

Really cannot figure out why something like that happens suddenly……a brotherly figure suddenly turns into a boyfriend material…….and of all the things……he does not have those traditional good-looks……(did not even notice him for a decade)……but suddenly I find him very sexy……

Am I getting desperate ??? Someone help me, please !!!

..............

2006-10-02T23:45:00.000+05:30

LICK / SUCK / BITE / SQUEEZE ?

GYM ETIQUETTE….WTF* IS IT ???

2006-10-02T00:08:00.000+05:30

What the fuck is gym etiquette…..you may ask…….

It is the code that any decent guy should follow…..while at the gym…..when he sees a desperate-looking guy……and make him as comfortable as possible (read: bugger him….or be buggered…eventually……as per mutual choice)……..

But why is it missing in all the gyms I go to???

Today I went to my gym after a long time…..and gym etiquette according to me was conspicuously absent……..

Methinks……other guys in the gym should stick to some rules…..if they see a decent and desperate-looking guy like me……who is totally clueless about the workout regimen....they should be out there to help him as much as they can……I cannot see any better chance to hold someone’s hands with the pretext of helping him pull some pulley or weight…….and also if someone is bold enough……stand in a way so that his crotch touches your bum…..but where can you find gay-chivalry nowadays….it’s dead……

If you see a desperate-looking guy in the gym…..why can’t other guys….be lechers……rather than stealing an odd awkward glance ???

If you see a desperate-looking guy in the gym…..why can’t other guys….follow him to the locker-room….under some pretext or the other…..to see him change…..you may get lucky enough to get a good view of his bits and pieces…….

If you see a desperate-looking guy in the gym…..why can’t other guys….accompany him in the steam-room…..things get really hot there !!!

But then……why do I presume that every guy in the gym wants to either have a sneak-peek into my pants……or get into them !!!!

On a completely different note…….I was watching an interview of a cricket coach…..who amongst other numerous restrictions imposed on the team prior to the match mentioned that they are not allowed to have girl-friends…….but what about boy-friends….I guess, since he did not mention them…..they are allowed……so-very-proud to be in a liberal India……he he he he………

THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS…..

2006-09-30T14:40:00.000+05:30

Men pissing on roads……

a nuisance or a chance to see another dick ???

FOR MY EYES ONLY....AND NOTHING ELSE......

2006-09-30T00:05:00.000+05:30

While browsing the net today…..I came across the Stade website……and this reminded me of the good old days…..when it used to be a kind of home page to my browser……

I was a total fan of the website……the photographs……and especially the videos…….they are really hot…..(so if you were ignorant of it till now…..go check it out !!! )

The photos make you drool and the videos give you a stiffie…….with all those hot French ruggers prancing around the locker-room naked……après-match !!!

And then came a time when I was the proud owner of the 2004 Dieux DVD and subsequently the 2005 one…….and God……it was total paisa vasool !!!

I watched it over and over again……till I grew tired of it…….

Yes !!! I did grow tired of watching all those perfect men…..walking around with there perfect abs…..and their perfect bums……and posing for the camera……

It was like they were teasing me from beyond the screen…..and making me feel they are just for my eyes only and not for anything else…….you cannot touch them…..feel them….or even talk to them…….and then I slowly I did not find them sexy enough……

Slowly the frequency of me watching the thing and the desire to watch them decreased and finally they were put to rest under my bed…..and were never touched……..

Anyway....leaving you with one of the latest photos from the Stade website......he's really cute......

A FEW WORDS........

2006-09-29T23:48:00.000+05:30

Don’t we all need a little appreciation from other people every once in a while ???

Though we may know that we do a lot of good work…..are good professionally…….have good morals and ethics……we al feel better when someone else tell us that……

Even if we all say……we do not care about what other people think……I think that we do……and if they have something nice to say…..then we care even more …….

So why don’t we pass on a few kind words of appreciation for other people…….if we think that they are doing a good job…..why are we so stingy in saying that “you do a great job”……or “you look good”……etc…..etc….

A few words do make a difference…..just a few words…….

.............

2006-09-29T11:23:00.000+05:30

RUGBY AND THE FRENCH......HMMMMM.......

....................

2006-09-28T23:14:00.000+05:30

do you want any help pulling those pants down.......

AM I A VEGETARIAN IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT !!!

2006-09-28T00:18:00.000+05:30

Why do they presume that my dick is very small ??? …..

Am I a vegetarian in the meat department ???…….

This is what I think when I open my Inbox…(on my regular email ID and not mumbai_jerry one)……..

The spam that I get is almost entirely of all the advertisements about how to grow your dick in size……..various devices,,,,,various exercises,,,,,various magic potions,,,,,et al……

But don’t worry all you guy……who see me as a potential shag….(if at all anyone sees me as one, to start with)…….I am good “down there”…..and I really do not need any devices,,,exercises or magic potions……

So why have they presumed that I have a small dick…….does my name indicate that I do have a small dick???…..or have they seen me after a swim in really cold waters of Scandinavia???……Anyway……I do not know……

But what about the people who are really not very happy to see their dick and think it is too small ???….

I am sure they must be obsessed with the fact that they do not have a dick that is large enough to satisfy them or their partner……

How much ever you say……SIZE DOES MATTER…..and not only to that person’s partner…..but also to himself…..and I think is responsible for a low self-esteem and is a cause for embarrassment for him as well……..even though others do not see it that way……

For me, size does not matter……and honestly so…….in fact….sometimes…..I can see someone with a small dick and that may turn me on…..but how do I convince a person who himself thinks that size does matter for me……..I have never been in this kind of situation before…..but I have been in a situation where I thought that the concerned person was hot…..but that person did not think so…..and no matter what I could not convince that person that I genuinely liked her looks….and then you can be really helpless…….

Anyway….here are some penis names in English and Hindi………

ENGLISH…..

bait and tackle
boner
choad
chubby
cock
dick
ding-a-ling
ding-dong
dork
endowment
fuck stick
fun gun
gherkin
hose (fire, etc)
knob
love gun
love pump
john thomas (popularised by Lady Chatterley's Lover)
johnson
joystick
junk
lad
love muscle ("Russell the")
main vein
manhood
meat puppet
Mr. Happy (As sung by 'Weird Al' Yankovic)
Mr. Jim and the Twins
one-eyed trouser snake
organ
package
peener
pee-pee
pee-wee
percy
peter
pickle
piny tenis "code" for tiny penis
pocket rocket
pole (pink, purple, sex, etc)
prick
pud
purple-headed womb broom
ram rod (Roger)
Rumple Foreskin
sausage
shaft
shlong
staff (chief of)
stiffy
skin flute
tallywhacker
todger
tool
tube steak
twig and berries
unit
wang
wee-wee
wiener
willie
Woody

AND IN HINDI.....

lingam
lavda
lulla
lund
lora

(my personal favourite.....lund).....

DREAMS……

2006-09-25T15:00:00.000+05:30

Dreams………

What are they????

……….Just some weird phenomenon ???

………..A figment of our imagination???

………A peek into what the future holds for us ???

……….Something of an enigma the meaning of which we have to decipher ???

……….Or just something very insignificant……just one of those things……that we should not be thinking about once we wake up ???

I had a very strange afternoon dream…..and after waking up……I did remember it……and it was strange enough for me to blog about rightaway……

It was strange in a sense that it was not actually pertaining to me……but to some guy with long hair…who apparently was my boyfriend…….

So here it goes…….I am kissing some dude with long hair sitting at the back of my car……and then I go to drop him to his place…….and then he goes on to present some very expensive dress…..by some designer called *Bhumika Bajaj* to his friend called *Chandra* or something like that……who gets ecstatic…..and starts crying…….THE END….

I can remember the names of everyone…..but *my Boyfriend’s* …..

Strange…..it’s not about me…..it's about him…….and very weird…….and I somehow thought that I would share it with you…….before I forget it forever……..

And on a random note……on driving…..

1. For the first time I could drive at a speed of 100 on Western Express Highway….

2. I wish I had a very loud tape with the word “chutya” (fucker) on it….’coz I say that word so very often while driving….

DILEMMA……

2006-09-24T23:57:00.000+05:30

Sunday evening presented with a dilemma……not so very unusual…..but not very usual either……I did not know what to do for the evening…..

The morning was OK….and started with me examining some odd patient……..and then I was off to the gym…….

Gym was better than good today ….with a lot of hot totties….but sans my regular trainer……there was this really hot guy at the gym who was obviously packing a lot of stuff…..and provided a good fodder for my jerk-off session in the afternoon……good !!!

So…the morning went well……and the afternoon went orgasmic…….

Come evening…..I was faced with a dilemma…….what do I do??? Usually….I go out for dinner with my friends…..or an evening walk at the beach……..sometimes all by myself…..but I do enjoy it……

Today….I dunno what had happened….rejected a dandiya invitation (felt was too single to mingle amongst lovey-dovey couples)…..did not want to meet friends…..(thought had nothing to chat with them)……and did not want to go for my traditional beach-walk as well……

So what do I do ??? I did think for a long long time…..and could not think of anything interesting…..….

So I did nothin’ ???? And had quite a boring evening…….( a ferret as I am…..I would’ve shagged any decent man…..had I been given the opportunity…..)

I really hope….I do not have to face similar dilemmas in the future……

Anyway……of other things….my laptop is playing up…….and due to this….two things happened in a short span that it has conked off……

1. It is extremely boring to browse and blog using my desktop…..

2. lost a very good opportunity to chat with someone I wanted to talk with for a long long time……on gay.com…...by the time I could switch on my other comp and load a plug-in required for chat……he was offline…..must have got pissed….(so if you are reading this…..come back tom around 11.30 - 12ish….and sorry)……

And thus after a very heavy week……a very busy Saturday……my Sunday comes to an end…….

I WILL RISE LIKE A PHOENIX……

2006-09-21T23:56:00.000+05:30

And you will see………………….BITCH

LIFE’S NOT FAIR…….

2006-09-21T23:51:00.000+05:30

Is life really not fair???

Or that it is fair…..and we say that as a part of our escapist tendency for a bad performance…..

Or that it our *bad karma*….that is playing up……

I, personally, am going through a very bad phase right now…….and this is what I think all the time……life’s not fair…..

And today while watching a program on television…..my belief got reinforced…….

There is this program….called *Lil’ Champs* that I do not watch regularly…….but I happened to watch it today…….it is about this young singing talents…..who sing and show their skill…..and some of them are really very good….I have to say……

Today’s votes were by mobile messaging…….and this girl…..called Shradda….lost !!!……Now she was very very good but unfortunately…..I think did not look good…..so I thought and so did one of the judges……and she received a very low vote score……sad……

Here I was going to type…..everyone knows she is good and says so……but if everyone thinks so……..why did she not get votes ???

So also is with politicians……people know the good ones around the block……so why are they not elected ???

If people are good in something why do they not get what is due to them ???

Is it something other than being good that you need ???

And is life really not fair ???

NEW GYM…..UPDATE…….

2006-09-20T23:27:00.000+05:30

Day 2 in the gym was not as bad as Day 1…….

Actually……it was pretty good….au contraire…….

Ok…..so this is what happened…..this trainer to whom I was allocated…….and my first impression for whom was that he is a total *dhakkan* (dick-head…not literally….but figuratively)……turned out to be a *touchy* kind of a person……and that provided me with all the excitement I required for the work-out……..

He was holding my hands while I was at the pulleys…..like trying to help me during the work-out…….now, this may be like a surgeon feeling your bollocks if you have a hydrocele…..but nevertheless……I felt good…..

We also had some small talk…(and for some reason he thought that I was a Christian and did not look like a good ol’ marathi boy……)…….and for the rest of the time he was admiring himself in the mirror…..and adjusting his crotch (it looks like he is good down there….)…..and for me it was good entertainment looking at him trying to adjust his bulge….(I know I am sick and desperate…..can’t help it…..)…..

The hot-guy-count also went from a pathetic 1 ½ to 3…..still pathetic……..but thankfully, the Gujju-aunty-count went down significantly……maybe they are all at home making theplas and khakras for the forthcoming Navratri…….

Anyway…..the exercise regimen that the trainer had chalked out for me was good…..and it felt good working out after a long long time……..

And thus at the end of Day 2 my current aims from this gym are…..

1. Develop a nice bod…..

2. Get into the trainer’s pants !!!

Wish me luck !!!

ANDY AND JAKE..........

2006-09-20T15:23:00.000+05:30

......................

NEW GYM……HMMMMMMMM……

2006-09-19T23:36:00.000+05:30

Ok….so I finally joined a new gym……and today was the first day !!!

When I went to pay the money…..which was yesterday…….there were a few cute boys…..and some of them were even gawking at me……..and that gave me hope…….

So with all the excitement that a small boy would have in a candy shop……..I was on my way…(the gym, literally, is a 2-minute walk to the gym from my place…)…..watching some new hot guys working out…….locker-room……steam……and the prospective possibilities of fun seemed endless…….or so I thought (I am an eternal optimist)…….

But at least on the first day…..my hopes started dwindling soon……

While I was climbing the stairs leading to the gym……there were these two Gujju girls……having their breakfast on the window-sill …… khakras….theplas……and chundoo……and these very girls turned out to be the receptionists !!!

What kind of gym is this where the receptionists sit at the entrance having a strong-smelling breakfast…….and personally…..I think not a very pleasant smell ???(sorry….you guys….who like this stuff)……

Inside there were more Gujju women…..and almost all the treadmills…….and the cycles……and *the thing with endless stairs*….were occupied by them…….

On seeing me at the counter…….one of the breakfast-eating girls……came up to me and *allocated* me a trainer……and as my luck would have it……a complete minger…….and obviously straight……sigh……..

So this guy makes me walk and later jog on the treadmill for 15 minutes…..despite me telling him that I do not have a lot of time everyday…..and 15 minutes on the treadmill would leave me no time for exercises…….

At the end of this cardio session…..he took me back at the reception……and since his time was up for the day…….”handed” me over to some other trainer…..who was cute-looking (in a raw-kindof way)……but with a pauch……(are they even allowed to have a paunch ???)

Now this trainer had his own ideas of making me look better and healthier……that I should do cardio and weight-training on alternate days……..which is ridiculous….as I almost have a flat tummy (remember…..regular masturbation !!!)……and am lean as well…….and I flatly refused…….so he finally took me for weight training……

And that’s how……sadly the first day was not *gay* enough…….

Cute Guy Count for the day…..1 ½…….(½…as the other one was not hot-enough)……

Locker-room Count for the day……2….guys changing……

Hot Trainer Count for the day…….0…sadly…….

Let’s see what happens tomorrow……..any improvement….or my money is going down the drain ???

And BTW…….really glad that the gas pump strike was called off…….was really low on petrol……and had to drive a lot today……as a measure to conserve fuel…..I drove through the day without AC……in this sultry Mumbai heat…..and then too…..if the strike would’ve continued…..my car would’ve been out of fuel by tomorrow……..

IS IT ALWAYS PURE BUSINESS ???

2006-09-18T22:55:00.000+05:30

This is a topic I do feel quite opinionated about…..or do I ???.......actually I am a bit confused…….

It’s about money coming in the way of relationships……..or should it???

This is something where most of the people will stick to their own personal opinions and they will personalize them as the situation warrants……

But is there any kind of generalization that one should follow…..any kind of ethics…..and if they waver from them……should they be considered perpetrators of crime ???……or acquitted respecting their own opinions ???………

We have a situation here where the person in question does some work for which he / she is entitled a fee…..and the transaction is purely business-like in nature…..but does not involve any kind of material costs involved…..like some kind of advice…….but should he / she be charging everyone……or “someone” can be exempt from it ???…..and who is to decide that “someone” ????... Is it his / her prerogative ???.....or it is ruled by some general etiquette ???

I totally understand if it involves something that will cost the seller as well…….and it is but fair that he / she has to pass on the cost to the buyer…….but when nothing is involved……..should he /she bring money into question ???……

And if he / she brings money in the said situation…….and the other “someone”……would not have brought money in the same situation had he / she been in his / her shoes……is the person who brings money wrong ???.......or it is just pure business that he /she is following ???…….

And is it a reason for relations to be strained ???…….or atleast a valid reason to disregard him / her ???……..

I really do not know……but what I do know is that you start seeing that person in a different light…….and your opinion about him / her does change……….and it does not change for better…….

Really don’t know whether you guys are getting what I am trying to say……and before the post is filled with nothing but question marks (???)……I think I ought to end……

(p.s. new gym from tomorrow…..hopefully….a lot of totties to ogle at…….will blog ‘bout it tom……..)

....................

2006-09-17T00:45:00.000+05:30

doggy style !!!

AND SO STARTS MY F*****G WEEKEND……

2006-09-17T00:16:00.000+05:30

And so starts my fucking weekend……which is always on a working Saturday….

1. Taking care of really high-risk patients……who can die any time…..

2. Running around without food……

3. Doing thankless jobs…….

4. Living in the commercial capital with power-cuts……

5. Driving through a horrible traffic……

6. Car breaking down…….

7. Reaching home really really late……and after finishing work……not partying…..

8. Refusing money that was my due…..(I sometimes am so idiotic….)…..

9. And with not a single guy checking me out…..(I must be really dufus-looking today)…….

How has your weekend started???

MOORKHANCHA BAAZAAR…….

2006-09-17T00:08:00.000+05:30

I am surrounded by a bunch of fools……who cannot acknowledge their stupidity…….

(so stooopid of me to expect fools acknowledging that they are stupid….)

WHY CAN’T I BE A SHOP-KEEPER???

2006-09-16T14:40:00.000+05:30

Why can’t I be a shop-keeper………

Life would be so very simple…….you go to your shop at around 10ish…..come home for lunch……rest for awhile……..go back……..and then come back home for dinner……

And the work involved is so very simple as well…..some one will come and ask……kitne kaa?? (How much is it for??)…..and that’s all you have to answer…….nothing else involved…….

I always have these thoughts while I go to one of my clinics (the same clinic where I get to see the hunky shop-keeper on my way….whom I want to bed)…..that has a lot of shops around it…….and that’s what I think after I do a particularly risky case that may involve a patient who may die……

How cool and uncomplicated a life shop-keepers have……..I envy them so very much !!!

And of other things……..this is how I feel right now……

I feel…..

1. Guilty……for having spent quite a bit in the morning…….without earning much…….(I am a daily wage earner)……..

2. Under-rated…..and that I am also not making full use of my potential…….

3. Idiotic…..for getting lost for the nth time…..on JVPD….despite knowing the area well and for years…….

p.s. Rahul Bose is SO VERY FAKE…...

A TANGENTIAL RELEASE…….

2006-09-15T00:06:00.000+05:30

There is this guy…..who is still in his med school….and consults me for his medical problems pertaining to my specialty……..

He has a habit of asking a few queries everytime he meets me……and honestly has half-baked knowledge of the subject……..And consequently, the questions he comes out with are so very funny…..that it makes you think that he is utterly stupid……

Today….something similar happened….and while he asked me something…..I smiled to myself….and thought that he has to be really foolish to ask me that query…..

Also……it reminded me of my days in med school…..and when I used to go to some specialist consultant……even I used to ask similar questions and make a total fool of myself…….(must have provided some good amusement material to these consultants)…and I am sure my other med school friends were just the same…….

But then…..am I a joker to other elder, more experienced people around me???....will they be laughing at my expense???....

I really do not know…..but things change over a period of time……and the way you look at things change as well…..

Again….If you take the example of the same med student…….there is a palpable enthusiasm…….similar to the way I had…..there seems to be a constant urge to learn new things…….which is missing in me now………I am still peppy……but not the way I used to be at his age…..and when I see some senior people…..the way they are doing their work…….with a constant dull, boring expression…….I shedder to think……if that’s what is going to be of me when I grow up???

I see my reflection in him…..and now it’s my turn to be on the other side of the table…..

It’s amazing how we change over a period of time……

And we mould ourselves in the existing available moulds………

Everything seems to going in a full circle……Does everyone’s life go around the same circle more or less……or I can have a tangential release??? Really hard to say……..

....................

2006-09-14T00:40:00.000+05:30

help !!! .....horny tonite !!! .....

DISGUSTED…..BUT AM I DESERVING ENOUGH ???

2006-09-13T11:49:00.000+05:30

I was just watching the television……and it was showing Yakub Memon’s interview…….

13 long, long years later…..the case came to trial…..and Yakub, Essa, Rubeena and Yusuf Memon were found guilty of the act of terrorism……THE 1993 MUMBAI BLASTS……

As a true Indian……and especially as a true Mumbaikar…….the 1993 blasts…..left me with a feeling of being cheated by *own* people……..and made me very, very angry and totally outraged……..

These bunch of people went all the way to Pakistan……got themselves trained……and then came back…..and carried out the most cowardly act of terrorism…….

And one of the main accused, Tiger Memon, is still at large…..and is believed to be in Pakistan…….

And in *Mera Bharat Mahan*….it takes full 13 years to bring the accused to trail and call them guilty…….and then too no punishment has been announced…….and for killing more than 250 people…….(a very, very conservative estimate)……and destroying property worth billions…..and implanting fear in thousands and thousands of residents………

How pathetic the legal system of the *Biggest Democracy* is…….and I am sure quite a few people wouldn’t be surprised if the guilty pronounced are not given a death penalty……..

But what about a regular citizen like me......am I deserving enough to criticize the judiciary???.... What have I done about it???..... Have I voiced my concern???..... Or have I got a better solution to deal with these criminals???...

If any of the guilty…….like for e.g.…….Yakub……were to suddenly leap out of the TV…..and stand in front of me…….what will I do???

I dunno what I would do…..but I know it for a fact that though I am very, very angry on them……I wouldn’t kill him…….

Is it because I am not tuned to kill someone or I am not that kind of person ???

Or is it because since neither me nor any one I know was directly affected……I am not angry enough to want to kill him ???

And if the second reason is true……..Again....am I deserving enough to be disgusted ???

HAIRCUT…….

2006-09-12T14:36:00.000+05:30

I had a haircut today…….

And everytime I walk out of the hair-cutting salon…..I wish or rather hope that I suddenly start to look good as I walk out…….and well…..it almost never happens……

The place is run by barbers and not plastic surgeons and they have their own limitations………

They cannot make an ugly duckling look like a swan…..and that too for just Rs. 50……..And that is how much I pay for my haircut…….which essentially says that I go to a cheap place……and not one of those fancy places that charge you a bomb!!!

I have been going to my hair-cutting place for years…..and then too I think those people still do not know me…….and I do not know most of them……I do know some of them by their faces…..and I still do not have a regular barber……something that most of the people will have when you go to a hair-cutting shop for ages……

And the above says it all…..I am not too obsessed by my hair……

When they (my hair….on the top of my head) were long and thick……I did not look good ‘coz of them…….and now when they are not as long and thick as they used to be……I still do not look good……but I do trim them once a fortnight and do it as a ritual…….

But one thing I do not like is when some one tries to touch them…….I dunno why….but I don’t like anyone running their hands thru my hair…….

So today when I had my haircut…..I really thought that the guy did not do a good job…..and he cut them too short….and was sort of not happy about the entire thing……but did not say anything……gave him a big tip…..(I tip well….despite a bad job….)……and walked out……disappointed……

Anyway….and then saw this hot patient…..who thought I looked way younger than I actually am……so methinks……the barber must have done a good job…….kind of not unhappy with my new haircut now……..

p.s. almost ran over a fat guy while driving and at same time ogling at a slim hot guy in tight jeans!!!

...................................

2006-09-12T10:40:00.000+05:30

that is what i need for the day.........

SWEET TOOTH ???....BULIMIA ???.....

2006-09-11T22:13:00.000+05:30

Consumed atleast 3 Ferraro Rochers and atleast 6 bourbon biscuits today…..(not that depressed I am)……

And then looked at myself in the mirror……do I look fat……does my face look bloated and ugly and oily……..

What is next for me??? Bulimia???

(Right now……watching these really dishy-looking Pakistani hockey players….wearing white shorts……and lo behold!!!.....one of them falls down and I can see his panties!!!

And one of them is called BUTT….his first name is Rehan)

HUNGAMA HAI QUON BARPA….THODI SI JO PEE LEE HAI……

2006-09-09T23:49:00.000+05:30

Thode si jo pee lee hai……Why does this always happen????

Why don’t I ever create a Hungama at the Barpa????

Even I would like to get pissed drunk sometime and create a scene…….or let a dear friend of mine take me home…….or do naughty things to someone……or get caught by the police drunk……or find myself naked in a place totally anonymous to me and with someone…….or get I very bad hangover…(oh!!! That’s the only one that I have managed until now…)…….

Why do I have to be so normally boring…..and *straight*…….(read: susheel)…..

I do drink…..and I do love drinking as well…..but I have never got really really piss-drunk till now……..and I really don’t know why………despite liking the idea of getting drunk once in a while…….

I am 30……and started drinking as soon as I reached the legal age of 18….(actually I do not know what the legal age is in India for drinking…..I think it is 21…..but I have always thought that 18 makes you eligible to do anything and everything…..dunno why…..)……

Now I thought of this drinking thing while I was sitting idle tonight……and I suddenly thought of *that* Saturday night with *Lost Opportunity No. 3*…….it was really late and we were at my place……we had come back from a pub……had been drinking…..and were talking of masturbation,,, prostatic massage,,, et al..….but not totally drunk to lose our senses…….and I was telling him……how I would really like to have a wild night out and get so drunk that I do not know what I am doing and let the other person do *anything* that person wanted to do on me (read: shag)……and he said…..we should really do it (drinking session) some day…..but that day of rather night never came….sigh…….

And today is Saturday night again……I, as usual, am working late on Saturday…..had a sad day……and sadly enough still waiting for that night when I will get piss-drunk and let *anyone* do *anything* to me…………

my fave........

LOW......

2006-09-08T11:53:00.000+05:30

Have been pretty low on self-esteem lately…..dunno why…….professionally not bad…….personally bad……

But I still think that I deserve much more……..than what I have been getting….and probably that is the reason why there is a build up of general level of frustration……

Sadly….music….cute boys on the street…gay porn…..has done nothing for me……

Maybe some meditation will…….

.....................

2006-09-07T00:10:00.000+05:30

hey JT.....you look hot !!!

GANAPATI BAPPA MORYA……

2006-09-06T23:50:00.000+05:30

PUDHACHYA VARSHI LAVKAR YAA……

Today marked the end of the 10-day long Ganesh festival…..which Mumbai as always celebrates with a lot of pomp and show…..the festivities will end and the people will go back to their regular dull routine…..on the brighter side for many people…….who do not drink alcohol and eat non-vegetarian food……they will be doing so right after the visarjan……….

Anyway……I am not particularly a fan of Ganesh Utsav…..and haven’t visited a single *Sarvajanik Ganesh Mandal* this year…..and did not miss it as well……

But what I did not miss was my walk to and on Juhu beach today……and it was great fun…..

I was not there for the last three years…..and when you miss something….only then you realize how joyous it was…….and this year I did go to the beach….for the visarjan….and sadly….again….all by myself…….

It is amazing how people enjoy themselves……and even thogh you are on your own……you tend to enjoy as well…..kind of therapeutic too……there were so many people around…..and moving amongst the crowd reminded me of driving amongst the snail-paced traffic that I encounter everyday…..except that this is wonderful…..and I am not driving to work….

The crowds were crazy……and they were really really enjoying themselves……people were shouting….and making noise……and children were wearing funny masks and had toys with them……and some people were wearing illuminated colored wristbands…….it was a COOL sight……so noisy……(just like the Carter Road CCD…..)….. and yes there was a plethora of hot guys as well (again, just like the Carter Road CCD…..)……..

There were stalls on the side of the roads…..some throwing rose petals on the people…….some distributing Vada Pav…..some distributing Sherbet…….some distributing samosas……some giving some kind of sweets……and all free of cost……but with the cost of standing in a queue…..what do you get nowadays without a queue !!!

Great fun !!!

Hopefully will have someone with me to enjoy the festivities next year……..Inshallah…..

MARGINALZATION AMONGST THE MARGINALIZED…….

2006-09-05T09:43:00.000+05:30

Though I am not an active member of the group….I am a part of a wonderful group called *Gaybombay* (GB)…….

*Gaybombay* is something that a city like Bombay needs and the country needs as well essentially……it is a group of people….all gay……who come together……quite often….for discussions,,,,debates,,,,film-screenings,,,,parties and even picnics……

The organizers are great and spare no efforts to get the events going smoothly and organize new ones……

Since I am still closeted….I do not go to any of these events……but I am on the mailing-list and I do read the mails…..and each one of them……

So what prompted me to write this post was this mail from a guy….who asked if there were any Muslims or Christians in the group……

It may be a very benign question and asked just for general knowledge and probably for the heck of it…….and probably he did not mean anything in particular…….but what a stupid question to ask…….

And the first reaction that I had was that this guy is very prejudiced against anyone but the Hindus…….and that’s what most of the people on the mailing list must have thought and he did receive a lot of flak for it as well…..a well-deserved one!!!

Now anyone living in a multi-religious, secular country like India sees all kinds of people every-where…..from all religions and faiths and all castes and communities…..and GB is no different…..it is bound to have Muslims and Christians……and it is so obvious from the names of some of the active members from the mailing list…….

What was he thinking???…..Is he actually prejudiced???.....Does he think that Muslims and Christians are all straight ???…….

I think….posing such a question….or even thinking about it something akin to marginalization of people amongst a community that is already marginalized……by the society…….

Gay community in India is essentially not recognized by the society or any kind of political organization…..here under *Section 377*….Homosexuality is still a crime…we as Indian citizens are all criminals……there is nothing like *zero-discrimination* or *equal-opportunities* policy…and thus this becomes a minor under-privileged group……

As a part of this group….we must make a conscious…..if not an unconscious effort……to think liberally…..

And questions like these (asking if there are Muslims or Christians in the group) are wrong……(can’t say politically incorrect as in India *doing gay* is politically and legally incorrect..)…..

Unfortunately reading some of the post it does feel like we have some people in the group who not only are stupid but also think narrow…… But I think…..like we have different kind of people in a large, joint family…..and we embrace each one of them with all their inadequacies……so also should we in this big, happy, sometimes freaky GB family !!!

Anyway....

Happy Birthday GB

BODY WORKS……PUBERTY…….SEXUAL INNOCENCE…..

2006-09-04T13:59:00.000+05:30

Right now I am watching a program on the Discovery Channel called *Body Works*…..it is about puberty and all the changes that take place while growing up and while watching the program all the memories about my puberty came back to me……

It is such a confusing period of your life…..

As far as my puberty was concerned….it was a wee bit sooner than the rest of the boys around me…..and I remember becoming taller than most of the boys in my class…..

I was tall anyway….than most of them….so that was not much of a problem…..

But then we had short pants in the school that time in seventh grade….. I was only 12 years old ….and my legs suddenly became very very hairy ……and it was so very embarrassing…….

There was only one other boy in my class who had such hairy legs…..and I hated him…..he was a school bully……but he was hairy as well…..and then he told me that he had hair all over (which was much later)…..in his armpits,,,pubes,,,asshole and of course the facial hair which was for all to see….and I am still grateful to him for telling me that….as I felt that I am not the only freak!!!

Of course it was not just him who told me all those things……and I should not be giving him credit for all the information……the credit goes to *The World Book Encyclopedia*….as I was a voracious reader….and the moment I knew that this kind of thing is called *puberty*…..I got all the information from the encyclopedia……I also got a few other books from the library and read them……

So……geeky as I was….I was kind of well informed about the stuff……..

The most embarrassing thing was the voice change…..and the rest of the people around spared no effort in letting me know how different my voice was and how I was growing up…….some of my peers even laughed at me for that……

So now the embarrassment list included……facial hair,,,,hairy legs and a freaky,,,, cracky voice…..and then it was a lot of sweat…with my sweat glands working full-time….so the stink from those as well….especially after I played a game of volley-ball…..

“In the front” it was a different story……I was getting hard-ons…like…..all the time…..the first one that I got….which I distinctly remember…’coz……it was when a friend of mine of the same age as I was and I….got hold of a topless picture of Samantha Fox …(yep….Sam Fox…..with those large boobs staring at you incessantly…)……I got an instant hard-on…..and so did he…..and we did tell each other….how our pee-wees suddenly grew…(no kidding)….we were too young to know the non-innocent aspect to it……

And *a sexually confused me* had hard-ons looking at hot men as well as hot women…..big boobs in women and tight crotches in men especially……..

But I never questioned myself….why was I attracted to both men as well as women…..for me it was just something that God had given to treat my eyes with….and I took it that way…..

One more thing that I distinctly remember…..was my first wet dream…….I suddenly woke up with a hard dick and before I could know…….it spurted some really thick white fluid with great force…..and stained my underpants……the stains became thick and hard in the morning and I did have the good-brains to wash them and then put them in the washing machine…….

I dunno what gave me this instinctive knowledge to stay in the society and save myself from all the numerous embarrassing situations that the puberty presents to us and still be happy…..and satisfied……

Puberty….ahh….so sexual….yet so innocent……..

And now that I look back at it retrospectively……I think I did good….and did enjoy all the moments then…..gawking at sexy guys and gals…….jerking-off……watching porn…..et al……and effectively FEELING GOOD!!!

PARTNERS IN CRIME ???

2006-09-02T11:29:00.000+05:30

As I was reading the newspaper today……I came across this news regarding someone being arrested for *abetment of suicide*…..

These kind of news are very common in India…..’coz in women who commit suicide (dowry and related issues)…….the in-laws may be arrested as per law…..and charged with *abetment of suicide*……..

Now this post is neither about dowry and related crimes nor about the causes of suicide nor about suicide per se....it is only about *abetment of suicide*.....

What is this *abetment of suicide*????

I believe that committing suicide is a crime…..and one should not be doing so…….and while some argue that it is the life of that individual person…..and he / she should be allowed to do whatsoever he / she wishes…..the question is open for debate as far as I am concerned……but whatever said and done…..most of the people will agree that suicide is an act of cowardice…….

If a person for whichever reason chooses to kill himself / herself……why should anyone else be held responsible for it???

Under no circumstances should a person give up living…..and if the person does so…..by his / her own wishes…..the person should be solely responsible for it and no one else……

Why held some one else responsible for something that they have not done…….they may be one of the reasons due to which the person took this drastic step……but to kill oneself…..is not the option…….there may not be lot of other options….but still…..suicide can never be considered as the last or the only option…….it may be the easy option out……and the coward-of-a-person chose it….

A person should have a moral duty to report any other person who is about to kill himself / herself to the concerned authorities like the police and take every possible step to prevent it from happening……..and I do agree if he / she fails in this duty……. It should be punishable………

I may tell a person I do not like to go and kill himself….and if he does…..does it mean I have abetted to the crime??? Most certainly not!!!

So are these “Partners in Crime” actually partners or they should be relinquished of their partnerships???

......................

2006-09-02T11:05:00.000+05:30

HAIRY.......

OR SMOOTH......

THE OFFICE

2006-09-01T14:40:00.000+05:30

*The Office*……the American version of the original BBC series…..sucks big time……

The original one is so much better…..Ricky Gervais ROCKS!!!

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH……..

2006-08-31T22:57:00.000+05:30

The narrative that I am about to tell you is *nothing but the truth*!!!

Readers, especially the ones from Mumbai, may find this hard to believe…….but it is 100% true and there is no masala added to it to make it extra-spicy…….

And the story is not that sensational…..if that is what you’ve been thinking after reading the prologue…..it is just something that I saw this afternoon…..which was quite unexpected……and kind of shocking!!!

Ok……so here it goes…….

Time: 3.30 pm

Place: on the road that is right next to my building…….in a quiet,,,leafy,,,residential Mumbai suburb…….

And this is what happened…….

I made myself nice cup of tea and came with the cup to my bedroom……

Now my bedroom faces a very busy road…..in the afternoon the road is almost empty and there are not many vehicles running……but since I stay in a place where there are a lot of schools……at around 3.30 pm…..there are a lot of school children returning home and with some of them, their mothers ……..so kind of *picture-perfect* suburban locality…..

But…..when I saw out of the window…..I saw this cab….stationary next to the pavement (that happens to be elevated…..significance later….)……

In the cab, I could see someone (almost definitely the driver) sitting in the driver’s seat…..the rest of the cab was empty….and I could see only the portion of the driver, waist down……

And to my shock…..he was stroking something in between his legs……the thing was covered with a brown rag-cloth….(the one that you see typically with those Mumbai taxi-drivers…they use it to wipe the wind-screen)……

Initially I thought that he was just scratching his crotch…..some kind of jock-itch…..but then it was pretty clear that he was masturbating…….

Everytime a vehicle used to go close to his taxi he used to stop…..or if there was a pedestrian passing by……he used to stop……

Now since I was watching from the building window….he could not know that he was being watched….but it was amusing and made me horny as hell…..

The foot-path is elevated and most of the vehicles passing close to the taxi are a also at a higher level…..but then he just briefly stopped everytime anyone passed by…..he has to be uninhibited/ shameless/ brave to do something like this in public…..or maybe he was a pro……and it wasn’t his first time…….

While he was masturbating….I couldnot see his dick…….as the brown rag covered it……and this went on for a full half an hour……

And finally…..at 4.05 pm……he came!!!

He flung both his hands in air and stayed that way for some time…..quite a sight……..an orgasmic delight!!!

The brown rag had white stains…….. and he wiped his dick clean of the cum……and kept the rag away…….

His dick was small and cut……and then he bent a little to tie-up his shorts and his pajama……

I could not see his face……but he had a long flowing beard and it was WHITE!!!

So next time anyone sees an old-bearded-taxi-driver driving around in Mumbai…..or happens to sit in his cab......all you know he could be the same old-masturbating-geezer with the dirty-brown-rag-cum towel.....

.........................

2006-08-31T22:53:00.000+05:30

you can have him first this time, hanuman, i will settle for sloppy seconds!!!

ASEXUAL…….

2006-08-31T10:49:00.000+05:30

Have I become asexual???

1. my physical sex-life has ceased to exist…
2. masturbation does not satisfy me any longer….(for the last couple of days…) and has got a little boring…..
3. I no longer fantasize my fantasies……….

And today being the third day when I did not find any delight masturbating……or could not think of anyone to day-dream about…..or did not want to browse for any gay-porn over the net………I thought that I have become *Asexual*……

I am sure it is a phase…..and I know it because I know me……..

I cannot stay without any kind of sexual release for a long time……and will return to my old self shortly……..

But this kind of thing has not happened to me before……..is it because I have stayed a little busy lately……and am not doing anything but work….(though it is not entirely true…..and I know it…..just trying to justify myself)…….

So what do I do to get out of this phase……maybe masturbate more???.....or force-feed myself with some more gay-porn???.....or maybe shag someone???......

food for thought….(and more so since sex is no longer in my mind!!!)

PLAYING DOCTOR……

2006-08-29T23:27:00.000+05:30

Was watching something on the television…….a western comedy……and there was this mention of *playing doctor*…..and all those childhood memories came back to me……

While I was a child…..the only television available in India was Indian……there were no western influences on the children….and apart from wearing clothes and playing with toys…..my father bought from his trips abroad…..there was nothing western we knew of…….

The media was largely Indian……but then I wonder how……things like *playing doctor* cut across all the boundaries……Is this *game* which explores nothing but your body…….universal???

I have distinct memories of *playing* it with at least three girls……two of whom were my neighbours and one senior guy-friend…….

No one taught us anything…..and as far as the girls were concerned…..I was the elder one and I know that no one taught me to do it………it was just instinctive…….and from what I remember……fun………

I will refrain from going into the details of the *play*……but exploring the little *bits* were more fun than anything else…..and frankly had better fun with girl than with the other guy (sorry….if I let you down guys)…….

But from what I remember…..it was also innocent and was fun……there were no sexual thoughts involved…..

It is amazing how nature has its own ways of introducing you to the sexual aspects of life in a very very subtle way…..it is like it is bracing you for the life that lies ahead of you and wants to ease you into the carnal processes……..

And of other things………met a really cute-looking subordinate yesterday…….at a place where I had gone to operate…….he was a doctor himself……and now……with him…..I really don’t mind *Playing Doctor*!!!

p.s. as I write this post I am staring at this cute cub who is standing at the bus-stop…it has been a few days that I have been seeing him at the same spot at the same time……I guess it is his regular time to go to work……….today he wearing an orange shirt and beige trousers…….he’s hot!!!

BLOGGING???

2006-08-29T13:18:00.000+05:30

Right now there was this woman who had come to my place for an internet survey…..asked a lot of useless questions…..and conveniently skipped the one regarding blogging……

And when I pointed it out to her…..she said….."Oh!!! You know about blogs and blogging"…..

How dumb-looking am I that this behenji thinks that I am ignorant about even blogs!!!

PLAN

2006-08-28T22:23:00.000+05:30

Do you have a *plan*????

A *plan*……a *plan* that will chart your life…….

For example…….I will be a doctor by the time I am 21…..finish education by the time I am 25……….settle with a partner by the time I am 30…..so on and so forth…….

And what happens if things do not go according to the way you have planned???…..

What if you have any unexpected boulders blocking your road???…..what if you are stuck mid-way???…..what if you tend to deviate from the path???…..

Is it possible to go back on the path you have been taking successfully for so many years???…..one thing I can certainly vouch for is that…..if you deviate it is very difficult to be back on track….(at least for me)……

Well….I had a *plan* and a pretty good one for that matter….and things were going well for me….but I dunno what happened……I slipped from the road that I was building for myself and now I find it very difficult to get back on it……

I am trying my best and I am not the kind who would quit…but believe me…..it is proving more difficult than I had expected……

At times I thinks….isn’t it better if I wouldn’t have had a *plan*……then I wouldn’t have thought that I am an under-achiever or a failure……but I guess I am not the kind who would take life the way it comes and not do anything about it…….

But anyway…..at present…..my *plan* still rocks……but I suck….in its execution!!!

As for my gym-search…..had gone to a local gym….but it proved to be more expensive than my previous one……smaller……not-so-good equipment……not-so-hot trainers……and the people working out there were quite bland…..the only advantage is that it literally takes a 2-minute walk to reach that place from where I stay……

if I see this in the locker-room.....I will join rightaway.......

p.s. the weather in Mumbai sucks....right now!!!

............................

2006-08-27T23:40:00.000+05:30

I want him....NOW!!!

JAI GANESH.......

2006-08-27T13:35:00.000+05:30

Have a Happy, Enjoyable and a Gay Ganapati Festival..........

HIM

2006-08-25T13:06:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I could not sleep till around three in the morning…..I was thinking of someone…..longing for *him*…..and I don’t even know *him*….

But I do not know why I was thinking about *him*……

I just know *him* through something…..not seen *him* properly….haven’t spoken to *him* anytime…..and obviously not met *him*……but I still think of him…..

Can’t really figure out why it happens…..it is because the person you are thinking of thinks of you as well…..and by some freak *telepathy*…..you start thinking of *him* …..or is it the other way around…..or none of the above is true and you are just obsessed with some thought…..something akin to a crush….and that’s all……

I know it for a fact that I consciously try not to think of *him* and despite that I unconsciously do…..

So what is it……love……lust……crush…….or nothing…….just some freakiness……

Anyway…..a constant distraction while typing this post has been the *Men’s Synchronized Diving* finals……that I am watching right now on the television….they were held at Fort Lauderdale….and I am already having a mini boner….; )

I always prefer to watch diving anytime over swimming….both swimming and diving have hot guys…..but in swimming the guys are rather large than in diving where they are well-proportioned…….in swimming they are shaved while in diving they are naturally hairy……and in swimming thy have come-up with those stupid body-suits that give them a better speed (apparently)……but cover-up their bodies….sometimes totally…..SO ANTI-GAY!!!

In diving……the speedos are really tiny…..(I do have a speedo fetish)……butt cracks are seen…..the guys are hot…..and they have a great bod……

And in the competition…..the Germans are blonds…..the Americans are twinks……one of the Russians has an extra-large tool……the Chinese are cute………..and the Latinos are dark and hairy….(drools….)……

And the count for large bulges is a surprisingly large……and the guys are in couples…….(always wondered if these couples shag each other after the competition???)……

Ooh…..I love sports!!!

MaN AT WORK.....TIME FOR A CHANGE????

2006-08-24T23:38:00.000+05:30

Looks like it is the time to discard my loyalty for my present gym and start being loyal to some other money-sucker…….

My current gym membership is close to expiry and I really do not want to renew it……there are a lot of pros and cons that I can list regarding my present gym and I am going to do just that…..

As for some history…..I’ve always had some kind of gym membership in the past (reading this most of you might think that I must be a buffed,,,,fit guy…..but I am not…..)….and each one has proved to be an effective money-sucker……And with no benefit as far as I am concerned……

However….I have to take the blame for it as I am the one who has hardly been regular…….(to a point….when one of the trainers asked me recently…if I come in the evenings as he has hardly seen me….)….and thus I remain thin and frail……

But for some reason…unknown….I will still either continue my present membership or go in for a new one at a new gym……

Anyway…going to the list of things…..

The pros……
1. the trainers know me well….(hot trainer count….a pathetic one….dunno if it’s a pro or a con….)
2. the receptionists know me…..(one hot male receptionist….not seen nowadays……probably sacked)…..
3. Hrithik…..the hot guy….may have a chance there….
4. hot model guy……no chance there.....
5. tall cute guy from the steam room….again some chance visible……
6. other assorted hot guys…..(only nos.3,4,5 are worth a special mention)……

hhhmmmmmmm…….anything else….lemme think……

7. a few hot girls eyeing me…..flattering……
8. and cheaper than other gyms around…..

The cons……
1. too much traffic…..if I happen to get late….and I cant take my bike for whatever reason…..too boring to drive……so land up not going……
2. hot trainer count….a pathetic one….
3. the treadmills are useless…..and they have no fewer than…..9….excluding the cycles and walkers and all that stuff…..but none of the treadmills are good……
4. the trainers eat in the locker-room (yucks……)….and it leaves a smell and you feel like puking at times.....
5. the locker-room is worst I have ever seen…..and there is no hot stuff going on……..

More pros than cons.....but the attraction of the unknown....in the other gyms drags me away from my old gym......what if I meet someone really really hot.....what if I can have / see more action in the locker-rooms.....what if there is always some sexy guy sharing the steam /sauna with me......

And this is precisely why……I don’t think I will be renewing the membership of my dear old gym……what say????

...........................

2006-08-24T00:10:00.000+05:30

my way of saying sorry to the readers who were bored reading the last couple of posts......

THE GAYATRI MANTRA......

2006-08-23T23:34:00.000+05:30

Hey guys….today’s post is neither pertaining to anything remotely gay or anything about my daily routine for the day…….for two reasons:
1. Nothing new happened today…..it was a boring day and work went on as usual……
2. Suddenly out of blue I thought of *the Gayatri Mantra*…….

Most of the reader who are bound to find this kind of thing boring…..please move on……’coz it will get more and more boring as you read on……

The Gayatri Mantra is considered one of the most powerful mantras in Sanskrit literature……and the people who chant this mantra everyday 108 times are known to enhance their intellect....improve their health.....look good.....so on and so forth……..

Now this post follows one on *Vedic Astrology*….and this is a coincidence…..but….as I am not a staunch believer in any of these things….it goes without saying that I was a little skeptical of believing in the *powers* of Gayatri Mantra as well…..

But it so happened once that I was under a lot of stress…..and someone…..again coincidentally…..gave me a cassette of the Gayatri Mantra (it was very much in vogue that time)…..and I decided to give it a try….(I do always try everything before rubbishing it….)……and I used to diligently chant it 108 times…(yes, I did it)….and it did take all the stress away…..now I do not know whether it was the mantra or the fact that I meditated for 5 minutes everyday….but it did a good job and I was happy and satisfied…..

Everything that has glamour and fame attached to it comes with a controversy……and the Gayatri Mantra is no exception…..some say that it is an invocation on *Goddess Gayatri*….who is depicted as having 5 heads and 10 arms…..but some experts say that it is a mantra to appease the sun……..

Also…the recent corruption of the mantra by all these fancy singers…..has been criticized by a lot of pundits….and then they say that some people add a lot of extra *Oms* as well…….

Scientific fanatics of religion say that it helps you clear your lungs and cure asthma, bronchitis and COPD…….

Anyway….anything that makes you happy needs to be practiced…..and the Gayatri Mantra is no exception……

(of course…meditation is no substitute for men….so….so long boys….)......

VEDIC ASTROLOGY……….

2006-08-23T00:11:00.000+05:30

Vedic Astrology……..such a time-waster…….

I am going through a bad phase in life (and a lot of my posts do reflect that)…….and like most of the Hindu-folk would do……I decided to take a look at my star predictions with the hope of foreseeing my future……

Now I really do not believe in astrology an all that bullshit……and when I say “I don’t believe in it” ….I really don’t….

So why did I spend an entire free morning browsing through all the useless stuff available over the internet…..I do not have a straight,,,convincing answer for that……

It was probably because being raised as a Hindu…and having god-fearing people around me……and having my own vedic horoscope made from the time I can remember…..it was a kind of reassurance that there are good things yet in store for me…..and that this bad phase is temporary and will pass away……

I think it also excuses us……or gives us a certain concession……and helps us shy away from the responsibility of our actions…..and that’s what I was looking for…..maybe……

But the number of sites available for this vedic astrology thingy are amazing……and it did make me feel good….thinking that I will not have to go through this crap throughout my life…..(apparently……I will have a *golden phase* starting in my 32nd year of life…..I am 30 now….so 2 more years to be *Midas*….great)…..

There are so many different sites and there are so many things that they predict that at the end of it you have got all the possible gunas and all the possible doshas……and some planets will make you rich….some poor……some healthy….some sick….et al…..and if any damn thing happens to you…the astrologer can always say….didn’t I tell you…….

And for all you believers……with so much of population…..there are so many people born on the same date……at the same time…at the same place…..so are they going to have an exactly identical life???? ….and what about identical twins???......

What a load of crap….this stuff is….still it amazes the believers……and grapples the attention of non-believers……

Anyways…..of other things….why is it that every time I pick up the phone at home….the caller at the other end has to open the conversation with……..arre aaj tu atta ghari kasa???…….how come you are home today at this time???......as if I have to work 24/7 and can never be at home……..

HAVE YOU GOT THE RIGHT LOOK???

2006-08-21T15:32:00.000+05:30

Today…somehow…..in the morning….I remembered my *Lost Opportunity No. 3*…..and kept thinking about him….through the entire morning…..

He is a dentist….living in London…..and an Indian by birth….education…..and since I know him well….by heart and soul as well…..

I remember him very fondly and with a lot of love for him…….

But then I am also reminded of some of his *qualities* that would really tick me off…..not that I would get angry….or blow a fuse….or have a lovers’ tiff…..’coz we were not lovers…….and he did not know (and still does not) that I was gay…..and I think he never acknowledged the fact that he preferred men to women….( he told me that the things he like women to for him were licking his ass and fingering it……how gay is that???)…..

So coming back to the *qualities* he possessed……he had this terrible longing to *fit* into the white community – the white doctors in the hospital……and then since he was obviously not one of them….he used to try convincing them about his distant European lineage…..which according to me and a few of my white friends was so distant that you can barely call it a valid one……

He also tried to act like a local British Asian boy and tried to pass off as one of them……it was like he constantly used to suck up to these local people and try to imitate them……

The local Londoners were nice and probably that’s the reason why they did not tell him that…..or they genuinely liked his facade ….I dunno…..but some of my friends who were originally from Britain really found him……obnoxious……

He always used to tell me how to dress the *right* way….talk the *right* way….and act the *right* way….with the local boys to be popular…….

But can’t you be popular dressing, walking and acting the way you are ???……you don’t come from a god-forsaken place to be crude and rude otherwise !!!

Then….slowly he started hanging out with a group of local boys…..more and more……going to pubs and parties with them……(and one of the boys told me that they don’t like him much)……but consequently…..we met less and less often……I guess I was not *foreign* enough for him (poor old desi boy)…..and drifted apart…..

I still do not understand what was the compulsive need to have the *right* look…..and fit yourself in a niche where you do not belong…….

Is it to impress someone or to impress yourself ???

And does it really work ???

Poor Indian-Londoner…..I’m sure he must still be looking for the *right* look for the *right* friends…….I pity him now……

BTW...had gone to the gym in the evening as against morning and the *hot-guy-count* for the day was a whopping 11 (seriously....that's a lot for my gym....and sadly I cannot go in the evenings regularly)....and 11 is excluding me !!! ; - )

GYM-HAPPENINGS FOR THE DAY..........

2006-08-20T22:29:00.000+05:30

I have started to think that whatever interesting things I observe about men happens only in my gym……probably ‘coz it is the only place other than work I regularly go to……

Anyway…..today when I went to the gym in the morning…….the sexiest of all the trainers had suddenly gone blond!!! And he looked really funny……

This guy is fair and good-looking in his own way (atleast I like him….dunno about others)……he has a great body and an ass anybody would die for……

From the way he talks and his gestures indicate that he is not local (from Mumbai)….and seems to have come to Mumbai from some faraway place to make it big in the glamour market of Mumbai…..Bollywood or modeling…..(there are lots of these kind in Mumbai)……

And maybe he is struggling for his goal……so he works as a trainer in the mornings…..works out when his shift ends….which is at 10.00 am……and then heads off…..

Some time back….he suddenly changed his hairstyle and made his hair straight and in some way odd……it looks horrible……and today he turned them blond and looked like he had bleached his face as well……

He looked so unsavory…..eekkkkssss!!!

So I have seen him transform from a hot young man to a cheap-looking aspiring model…..(sorry…but he was really so much better-looking)…..

Why do these people think that something that looks good one someone may not look good on you and you should have the personality to carry that look??? Do they think that all the *in* things……will make you look sexier…or more desirable…or more attractive…or give you a job???

Anyway….just too strong a personal opinion…..

And of the other gym-happenings…..I saw *the cub* after a long time….(he is regular….it’s me who is very irregular)……..

Now…*the cub* is the name given by me to this hot guy….who is a short (not tall) bear…..nice and chubby…..and *the cub* has decided to grow he body hair again…..

So now he has a hairy chest and hairy pits…..and that makes him look more hot……however I’ve never had a chance to share the steam-room with him….and today since I had to leave early…..I missed today’s chance as well…..

The reason for mentioning *the cub* over here is that…..despite him being one of the most desirable guys at the gym….I have never been attracted to him…..he has never been my masturbatory fantasy….and never do I imagine what sex with him would be like…….I really do not know why???

Does it happen to you guys as well…..you think someone is attractive but they just don’t do it for you????

ARE WE LIVING IN A COUNTRY OF STUPID,,,SUPERSTITIOUS PEOPLE……

2006-08-20T22:19:00.000+05:30

Are we???

First it was the water of the most polluted river (and probably the only one in Mumbai)…..that has been salty all the time….suddenly turning sweet!!! And all these people filling their plastic bottles with this water….which was looking cloudy…..and according to me has the highest disease potential….and is full of the city sewage….and drinking it……

And now it is the Gods (idols)……drinking milk……AGAIN!!!

So what next???

How stupid and superstitious can people be???

Can’t they think logically…..for a change???

THINGS CHANGE…….A LOST CRUSH CRUSHED!!!

2006-08-19T23:58:00.000+05:30

While I was driving through the market-place…..I saw this guy whom I had a crush on several years back……..

Now I have essentially lived for a large part of my life in the same place where I am presently residing…..and while I was in my early teens…….one of the several guys from my locality on whom I had a crush on included this guy……..

I knew nothing about this guy……and still do not…….I don’t know his name….what he is doing……what language he speaks….and where he lives……

The only thing I know about him is that he stays somewhere close to where I stay…..

I used to like the way he looked…..

He had a rugger’s body…..chunky….chubby….rough….and a full ass…..

But it was a crush and that’s all….I never tried to find out anything about him…..and that was not important to me either……..he was amongst those several other guys around my place I really really liked to look at…..

Today….I saw him after many many years…..and he was buying some stuff for *puja* (Hindu religious ceremony)…..flower-garlands….banana-leaves…et al……and while buying this stuff….he was haggling with the vendor…….so unsexy…….

Years have gone by……he has changed the way he looks…..I have changed the way I look at things…..and since this crush was as superficial as it can get…….it was crushed!!!

He FYI…..has put on a lot of weight……was wearing a loose t-shirt and some ugly jeans….and was carrying an bag full of vegetables…..and of all the things haggling with the vendor……so unattractive……

But he…anyway…..presuming that he has taken the oft trodden path chosen by any *good* Indian boy……must be happily married….probably had kids….and as a dutiful husband…..shopping for the forthcoming *Ganpati* festival……

(little does he know that there is a gay man who had a crush on him as a teen is observing him….and that he should have dressed well for him!!!!)

LONELY ON A SATURDAY NIGHT........

2006-08-19T23:34:00.000+05:30

.......am I the only gay in the village???

A TEMPLE’S PREROGATIVE……

2006-08-19T00:26:00.000+05:30

There was this article in *The Times of India*….about one of the richest temples in India….located in my state of Maharashra….the Sai Baba temple……and the trustees of the temple have decided to get a new throne for the deity worth a whopping 22 crore (2.2 billion) rupees….. and why…..they think that the present silver throne does not look very good and a gold one would suit the deity better…….

I do have a lot of respect for Sai Baba…and I also do believe that the temple trust that runs the place does some really good charity work….and they should keep it up……even a part of my earning go to one of the temple trusts and I am sure that it will be used for good…..

But spending such an absurd amount of money for some vanity seems really odd to me….

I am not the one to preach about how they should be spending their money….it is their money and they can spend it as and how it pleases them…..but are they done with all the good work…..and do they have nothing philanthropic left to do…….

Sai Baba was the epitome of simplicity and he throughout his life he did survive on bare essentials….and I am sure had he been there physically….he would have put the money to a better use than what the trustees are planning……

The villages that are around the temple-town of *Shirdi* remain to be poor and so also the villagers……there are good number of cases of farmers committing suicides due to frustration……

The children and women remain uneducated…..the disease rate remains high….the mortality is high amongst infants…..and the entire population has a sub-optimal nutrition……

Now…..it is not their responsibility to take care of all these things….but they can certainly take some long-term measures to improve the situation….if not for the entire state….at least for a fixed area around them……

But they think nothing can match the good looks the idol will get after installing the golden throne…….

So much for people’s charity and the trustees’ vanity….a temple’s prerogative……

MUSIC…….

2006-08-18T23:35:00.000+05:30

While driving back from work……already in a crabby mood….was listening to some music……and amazing how it lifts you up…..

Now I am not a particular fan of listening to music and I don’t even know most of the songs….and though I have heard them before.... I really cannot name them and absolutely cannot sing…..

(I sing only if I am alone in the car…..and if I am absolutely sure that no one can listen to me….and I seriously think that have already improved my singing skills)…..

And nowadays I find myself listening to music more and more often……and life feels good again.....

(listening to *Beedi* from *Omkara* as I write)……

MY LIFE IN PURDAH……..

2006-08-16T10:19:00.000+05:30

My entire gay-world that exists within the minuscule scopes of gay chat rooms,,,gay porn,,,,,mails,,,,blogging and admiring men on the streets/ gyms/ media is from a purdah……a purdah that I have chosen to wear by choice……

It’s like wearing a mask all the time….and not wanting the other person to see who you are…….

I am beautiful under my purdah as well……not only to look at but also in my senses…..but unfortunately cannot reveal it…….

It is like you want to come out of it and have the sweet taste of freedom……but you can not!!!

I realized this when I was online on gay.com…….I am online on the India countrywide chat-room only….usually as I think there are many foreign people who do not understand this concept of being in the closet very well and sneer at you (my apologies to all the foreign readers for the generalization)…..but even the gay Indian population is not an exception……

I do refrain to chat with many people as they do expect only a meet-up for sex and a pic prior to that…..which I am unable to provide…….so there was a chap whose profile said that he is interested only in friendship…..and all I wanted was that as well…..so I buzzed him……and he was not ready to chat without a pic…….so do you want a mug shot of a guy to decide whether you want to be friends with him??? I can still understand if it is for sex and you have your preferences….but for friendship…. so if he is good-looking you would want to be friends with him and not otherwise??? (if he actually meant friendship)……

So that is what you get when you are in purdah....no friends as well!!!

And methinks….in the gay world there is a strong concept of *superficiality* amongst quite a few fellowmen…..probably a lot of things start with sex and quite a few end with sex as well……this purdah really really limits the field of your already limited vision……

There are numerous occasions when you think that had you not had the thick veil….you would have got a lot more in life and had a lot more fun as well….like the other day’s gym locker-room incident……but unfortunately……you cannot help it…….

I really hope to come out of it soon but don’t know when…..but what I really hope now is to lift it once in a while for some people to see once in a while…..let’s see how I progress on that one!!!
But…..Thank God….for the rest of my life is out of the purdah…..I cannot imagine the plight of those numerous poor women who live in purdah throughout their life….gay or straight!!!

Anyway….one of the few privileges I can enjoy…….gay porn……

JAI HIND........HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY...............

2006-08-15T00:16:00.000+05:30

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

MY INDIA......DARE ANYONE TOUCH HER.......

2006-08-15T00:01:00.000+05:30

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

MY INDIA......DARE ANYONE TOUCH HER.......

2006-08-14T23:55:00.000+05:30

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

DO OR DIE.........

2006-08-14T22:59:00.000+05:30

VANDE MATARAM
ALWAYS PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

GAY MAN OUT.......

2006-08-13T23:55:00.000+05:30

My schedule for Sunday was a visit to the gym in the morning (after almost one week) and later in the evening to the beach……..and loads of guys…..at both the places…..

I dunno why…..but I was kinda playing…….spot the gay guy with my own self…..though there was no chance to ratify my claims….it was fun……

In a western city where there are gay men who keep flaunting their identity….it is different…but in India it is sometimes hilarious to see a straight couple where the male partner turns all the way around to check you out…..

Starting with the gym……there were more guys than usual….(I am counting only the *lickable* ones)……and overall I had a good time working-out after a long time……

There was this one guy who was looking at me and does so every-time he works-out….and I am almost sure that he prefers dick…..

And there is this other guy with a great smile……I love to watch him while he works out especially when he is doing leg-curls…….now I had a chance to chat with this guy……for a long time…...and previously I had thought that this guy is gay as well and supposedly-bengali…..now both the things have been proved wrong……..he is a gujju and married (that does not mean he is str8….but he kept talking about hot girls as well)…..

And then there was this tall cute guy who….I am sure…..checked out my butt in the locker-room……when I came out of the shower….now there I see hope…..this was the first time I saw him in the gym……and I hope he is a regular member…….and I see him often…..

Proceeding to the beach……I dunno whether the Juhu beach has lately become a gay cruising area…..I have been going there for ages and have never thought about it as a cruising place for gays….but there are so many desperate-looking men and couples (male)….who will look at you or one partner will point you to the other partner not so subtly…..that it sometimes makes you wonder if you are looking funny / weird / camp / too desperate yourself…….

But looking at the way some guys were looking / staring …….it was probably easy to point a fag amongst the crowd and the chances of you going wrong were slim…..

Also spotted was a group of hunky….buffed-up….guys in a group sitting on the ramp leading to the beach in the *Razz Rhino* lane….they were definitely gay……

So I did spot quite a few *Gay* candidates……but did anyone spot me out….don’t really know…....

KANK…….

2006-08-12T23:35:00.000+05:30

Is all the hype surrounding the latest Karan Johar flick…Kabhi Alvida Na Kehena…..uncalled for??? Or is it justified???

As a person with extremely poor knowledge in movies……it is very wrong of me to give a review of the movie and I am not going to do so…..especially since I have not watched the movie as well……and till now had no intention of watching it…..

But....quite a few newspapers have given rave reviews and that tempts me to watch the movie……

And though I do not like the kind of movies KJ makes….and I have not watched his last two movies….(Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)…..I will refrain from criticizing for the sole reason that he is one of us and hence I have a soft corner for him…..(and that hold true for Abhishek as well…who I think is still in the closet….as he gets my gaydar ticking…..)….

I do want to watch the movie ‘coz of its storyline…..a couple of extra-marital affairs…… It is about two mismatched couples (Shahrukh and Preity…..Abhishek and Rani) living in New-York….and they like each other’s spouses…….

We have had movies with extra-marital affairs being depicted before…..but somehow there hasn’t been a commercial movie for a long time….and it is time to remind the Indian audience that these things do happen….and have become common-place……

I certainly do not approve of extra-marital affairs and think that they should be considered a taboo…..but there are times when two married people do not get along and they seek for solace in the company of other people and eventually fall in love with them……

Just because they are married and Indians does not mean that they should continue their unhappy life…..and it is high time people realize that marriage is *fluid* as well and cannot be sustained at any cost………

Anyway…..I don’t know as yet whether….the couples in the movie separate or still live together and I will have to watch the movie to find out…..and once I do that I will tell you whether it was worth the Rs. 150 that I spent for it… (if that is still the ticket rate…..I haven’t seen any movie for a long time…)……

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2006-08-12T17:58:00.000+05:30

...............cute !!!

MY HAPPY PLACE.....

2006-08-11T14:46:00.000+05:30

The topic for the day will make you guys think that I have gone nuts……but I too have a *HAPPY PLACE*.......

Some guys think that this concept of *HAPPY PLACE*.....is for nutters.....but what the heck…..this is my blog……and no one has actually seen me to point a finger at me and say that I am the nutty/ loony guy…..

I think about my *HAPPY PLACE* when I am in a sad mood and get pepped up…….I get myself transported to this *Happy Place*……and imagine that I am there….it does improve my mood immediately……

Now at present…..my mood is great and so is the weather (right now in Mumbai)…..and I do not know why I thought of the *Happy Place* but I did……

What is my *Happy Place* like???.....it is a tropical paradise……and I am the only person in it…….no one else is there…..( I would love to have my parents and my brother in it….but they are safe in their own *Happy Places*)……I have absolutely no worries….no tensions……no deadlines to meet……no one to think about……

The air is fresh and there is always a gentle breeze……there are flowers everywhere……of many different colors and various shapes….with a sweet fragrance…..

There are many many butterflies…..and humming bees….and blue moths……and small birds are chirping on small trees…….

There is a babbling brook going into a small lake of clear, sweet, warm water…..where you can swim…..and next to it is a small patch of soft green grass where you can lie down after a swim……

The sky is blue….of course….with a Rainbow!!!

So do you have a *Happy Place* as well…..or am I the only delusional one???

A RARE COMMODITY…..

2006-08-11T00:17:00.000+05:30

Today, I was pissed off on one of my so-called *colleagues*…..and explicitly expressed my differences…….

It is just that I do not trust him whatsoever……and think that he is really sly and will stab you in the back……

He actually has just started working and has joined something like our practice group …..but already he has started to annoy people…..

But what got me thinking was……am I misjudging and consequently mis-trusting him without even giving him a fair chance???

Why has *TRUST* become such a rare commodity???

Is it just with me or the rest of the people are non-trusting as well??? And have other people really become non-trustworthy???

Once bitten twice shy……and that principle applies here…..

I think personally….I used to be one of those guys who used to believe in goodness of people and always think that they should be given more than a fair chance and would try to think from their point of view…..

But now I have realized through my previous experiences that people do not waste time in taking advantage of you and all that you get in return is a big disappointment…..and I trust people a lot less now……

I still do believe in the goodness of people in general and still want to think that they are nice and they will never cheat or swindle you….or hurt you….though these people are much lesser in number…..

So how do you filter out these people and trust only them and no one else……difficult…..no...impossible!!!

I think the best way is not to trust anyone till they prove themselves to be worthy of it……

Anyway…….about my gay self…..there is absolutely nothing happening right now…..neither have I gone to the gym nor anywhere else……so the only satisfaction I get is through my fantasies…..(current masturbatory fantasy……dark hairy men with great butts)…….

BUDDY SEARCH…..

2006-08-10T00:16:00.000+05:30

I always complain that I am lonely and keep feeling miserable about it……but now I think that I am entirely to be blamed for this…..

I do have a lot of friends….but they tend to be busy at times and if I am incidentally free when they are busy……I have nothing to do and no one to go out with…..

Being in the closet adds up to the disadvantage as well….as I cannot accept any kind of proposition either over gay.com or otherwise in the fear of outing myself…..I guess this is a phase and will pass off soon…..but till then….this is not the way to meet people…..

Now my regular schedule consists of going to my clinics and performing surgeries……so the only people I meet at work are other doctors……and either they are old…..or the ones I know…..are not interesting or good-looking enough…….

And of course….you cannot hit on your patients…….however hot they are…..too un-professional…….

The only other place I go to other than my work-place is my gym…..and that too irregularly…..but still I have some hope there ……

And I am working on it too…..it’s just that the progress is so slow that the wait seems to be painful……and I continue to be buddy-less!!!

So what do I do????

I know for a fact that I am not the kind to just sit back and relax……and now I am thinking of ways and means to increase my friend circle…..

Maybe I will join some leisure activity group…..but taking time out for such a thing will be difficult in my daily routine……..

I also think a good way to go is to look for friends is……over the net……probably by being a part of local net groups with common interest….of course…..sans my *jerry* identity….(if at all anyone local reads my blog….)…..

Gosh….I wish there were pubs here…..where I could just drop in single…..sit on a bar-stool….order a drink….and chat with guys around me……

P.S. Watching some song with Rahul Bose in it….and methinks he is gay….

AHHHHHHHHHH..............BEN...

2006-08-09T23:54:00.000+05:30

jerrymumbai

HAPPY DIWALI......

HAPPY HALLOWEEN......

MOJO.........

........

JEALOUS.....

..........

I'M BACK......

AND MORE CELEBRATIONS........ENJOY !!!

ANHEDONIA......

MY CURRENT CRUSH.....

NADAL...AS REQUESTED.....

A FEW MORE...

DON'T WE ALL LOVE TENNIS ???

A GOAL....A CUP......AND LOTS OF KISSES......CELEBRATE !!!

....LESS

.....happy birthday to YOU.....

A LONG HIATUS......

ROAD TRIPS......

.................

SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT.....

TRUE LOVE

............

DEEPAVALI GREETINGS.....

BROWN BOY IN THE RING....TRA LA LA LA LA....

..........

AIR-BORNE.....OF CABIN CREW (drools), ET AL.....

SAAT SAMUNDAR PAAR……

MEDICAL BULLSHIT……

................

RETAIL THERAPY……

WASTE OF GOOD TALENT…..

THE MINOR BATHROOM DISASTER…

SEMI-CRUSH......

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GYM ETIQUETTE….W*T*F* IS IT ???

THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS…..

FOR MY EYES ONLY....AND NOTHING ELSE......

A FEW WORDS........

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AM I A VEGETARIAN IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT !!!

DREAMS……

DILEMMA……

I WILL RISE LIKE A PHOENIX……

LIFE’S NOT FAIR…….

NEW GYM…..UPDATE…….

ANDY AND JAKE..........

NEW GYM……HMMMMMMMM……

IS IT ALWAYS PURE BUSINESS ???

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AND SO STARTS MY F*****G WEEKEND……

MOORKHANCHA BAAZAAR…….

WHY CAN’T I BE A SHOP-KEEPER???

A TANGENTIAL RELEASE…….

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DISGUSTED…..BUT AM I DESERVING ENOUGH ???

HAIRCUT…….

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SWEET TOOTH ???....BULIMIA ???.....

HUNGAMA HAI QUON BARPA….THODI SI JO PEE LEE HAI……

LOW......

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GANAPATI BAPPA MORYA……

MARGINALZATION AMONGST THE MARGINALIZED…….

BODY WORKS……PUBERTY…….SEXUAL INNOCENCE…..

PARTNERS IN CRIME ???

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THE OFFICE

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH……..

.........................

ASEXUAL…….

PLAYING DOCTOR……

BLOGGING???

PLAN

............................

JAI GANESH.......

*HIM*

MaN AT WORK.....TIME FOR A CHANGE????

...........................

GYM ETIQUETTE….WTF* IS IT ???

HIM

HAVE YOU GOT THE RIGHT LOOK???